Barron Trump’s Letter to Santa
Hey Santa, could you spend a little time with me this year after coming down the chimney? You know, discuss Bitcoin valuations and eat some cookies.
Tag: Parents
A Legendary Afternoon of Batting Practice with My 10-Year-Old Son
"We will play until someone hits the ball past the green patch!" Mikey announces. As pitcher, I know this means we're in for a forever-inning.
10 Time-Saving Beauty Tips From a New Mom
Get ready to flip that Jean Nate-age, time-consuming beauty philosophy into a beauty routine that fits into the 30 seconds you have to pee.
A Zen Guide to Surviving a Red State Thanksgiving
Going home for the holidays is never easy, especially when your relatives start talking about politics. Here's some advice to help you through this Thanksgiving.
A Sick Husband’s Apology Voicemail to His Wife
Hon… are you there? Pick up? When I get home, I must keep away from kids. No want kids get sick. I'll sneak into bedroom. Turn on Nintendo, if I have strength.
How to Network (With Your Parents) in Hollywood
With famous parents, you have the advantage of not needing to beat around the bush and pretend to be considerate of their feelings; you can just ask them for a job!
Help! My Dukes of Hazzard Lunchbox Has Me on the Wrong Side of History
It had the car... with the flag! Yes, THAT flag! What could my mother have been thinking when she gave in to my demands for it?
Young Wizarding School Orientation Speech
Rest assured, students do not learn teleportation until their fourth year. We had some minor issues with spontaneous combustion in the past, which is why we pushed it back.
Hungover Review of a Catholic Mass
I wonder if my indoor sunglasses and the giant jug of orange juice betray my hangover? The glare from Sister Beatrice indicates yes.
A Diplomatic Mission to My Nephew’s Minecraft World
I had long heard rumors of Ben's virtual atrocities, but I needed to see proof of them for myself. After all, he's 10, how bad could it be?
Help! I’m 7 and I’m Lost Forever in This Kmart
Welp, this is how it all ends. If there's some sort of service to remember me, please have them mention my karate belts.
If You Just Sat Still and Tried Bipartisanship, You Might Like the Taste
Sit at the table, young man. You can't have your funding for the border wall until you finish this fiscal deal. Plus, I added some salt.