7 Emails Your Dad Sent You That are Sure to Bum You the Fuck Out
I know you're busy with your groovy friends probably listening to rap music, but your old man just thought he'd check in!
Tag: Parents
Merry Fucking Christmas to All From the Millers!
Another eventful year has passed and the Millers are feeling SO BLESSED despite the fact that we are all agnostics or atheists.
12 Ways to Talk Your Mom Down From the Ledge When the Hottest President Ever Leaves Office
I don't know about you guys, but my mom is heartbroken over this hottie's departure. Here's how to help mothers everywhere deal.
Am I Turning Into My Dad?
"My head is too big to fit into women's frames," I told the eyecare associate. "But it’s still not big enough to break the glass ceiling."
My Dad’s Six Simple Steps to Painting a Room on Sunday
Listen Todd, the best way for me to help you paint your kid's nursery today is to use my dad's advice to me as a kid.
Six DIY Cialis Halloween Costumes for the Res-Erected Dad
Oil derricks are typically monochromatic, so eliminate the hassle of cutting a hole in your pants by just going naked. Pound a Cialis with a few shots of tequila.
5 Weekend Woodworking Projects for a Medieval Father and Son
There's no better way to impress on a young boy the timeless lesson of impermanence than the gallows. Then move on to a ballista or siege tower!
Study Shows Toddler Misbehavior Designed to Prepare Parents for Zombie Apocalypse
A study of 200,000 toddlers, conducted by scientists at Barnard College over 15 years, has determined that toddlers misbehave to prep their parents for doomsday scenarios.
I Am Your Father’s Man Cave
When your dad turned 48, he felt a helpless desperation welling up in his chest. Now, this giant marble sculpture of Dolph Lundgren's abs fill the void.
Five Places I’ve Had to Call My Mother From on Her Birthday
I've been arrested for protesting clear-cutting and punching a security guard in the dick. When my Mom answers, she asks why the caller ID says "Humboldt County Jail."
“Amazon Prime Baby” Eliminates Barriers to Parentry
Amazon Prime Baby uses an algorithm designed to evaluate parental fitness based on Amazon order history as a means to simplify the process of infant acquisition.
This Goddamn Computer is Going to Save Our Family
1946 is going to be a good year for us, my blessed family. Because with the last of our savings I've purchased us a state of the art home computer!