I’m an English Teacher in a Horror Movie, and These Budget Cuts Are Really Starting to Hurt
Their parents, who are never in town, don’t answer my emails, so parent-teacher conferences are as big a joke as life insurance in this town.
Tag: Parents
Church of the Exquisite Guilt
Pray especially for those of us who have screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM TRYING TO MEDITATE" at our children.
A Friendly Reminder That We Still Have Your Son Held for Ransom
We appreciate you're probably busy. And trust us, we're normally never this needy in ransoms.
Stop Your Spiders Getting Chilly with Octo-Cozy™ Technology
My own spider (Cecil) was like the son I never had. Actually, I have a human son, but he's been quite a disappointment to me.
Is Your Life Dysfunctional or Quirky Enough to Write a Factually Disputed Memoir?
Did you grow up in a modest house, or the suburbs, or a brownstone, or a symbolically dilapidated mansion?
I Miss the Days When Men Were Men and Women Were Something Strange and Terrible We Don’t Dare Discuss
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
Yes, I Replaced the Portico Columns with Colossal Pencils in Preparation for the First Day of School Photoshoot
I’ve got my iPhone ready to snap the most insane pictures of my kids, holding a blackboard with facts scrawled in elaborate chalk calligraphy.
17 Keepsakes from My Parents’ Basement That They Are “Hanging On To” Because They “Might Want” This Stuff “Some Day”
Two Boston brand faux-wood pencil sharpeners: one electric, one battery-operated, both used solely from the years 2000 to 2004.
The 5 Best Chobani Yogurt Flavors That Helped Me Beat Up My Step-Dad
I thought the mixed berry would pair well with the mix of emotions I had been feeling since my mom married her long-time boyfriend, Alfonso Matrioni.
I’m the Screaming Baby on an Airplane—It’s a Tough Crowd Here
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?
Please Enjoy the New Line of Parenting Books from Target Wellness
"Bitch Mom’s Top Ten Child Rearing Tips and the Cocktails to Pair with Them: with Recipes from the Hit Blog, Bitch Mom Kitch Mom"
A Tribute to My Childhood Pet, Whatever It Was
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.