Parents | Page 6 | Points in Case

Tag: Parents

He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.

‘Twas something of a bloodbath, all told, but was this not what thou asked for? Well, Happy Father’s Day.

When’s the last time you showered? A. Before you left for the club. B. It was a week ago and it was to cover the sound of your sobs.

1327 AD: “I love this new “Ring Around the Rosie” Song!” vs. “I hate that schools are trying to make this bubonic plague sound fun!”

Dad: The town’s richest family used to own that. Now, everyone goes to Wally-Mart... Me: You have like, 17 pants from Walmart.

I don’t know if they teach conflict resolution in that school of yours these days, but I sure could use some relationship advice.

Not only is the third-person thing annoying, but it ends up sounding like a command. Simon says raise your hand if you want to slap me for that.

That’s me wearing the torn NASA t-shirt on my favorite couch. I uploaded this photo to show I’m a typical 39-year-old living in his Mom’s garage.

There's no living author with a better take on the "excruciating telegram" style of mom text messages.

We know you're eager to get back to inconsistent monthly visits to your 87-year-old father and checking your watch and sighing the entire time.

Concocting a knuckle sandwich is a delicacy in itself, and should be taken with care.

You know, obviously I figured I’d do it at some point, but it always seemed so far away. It was something for when I was older.