Parents | Page 6 | Points in Case

Tag: Parents

‘Twas something of a bloodbath, all told, but was this not what thou asked for? Well, Happy Father’s Day.

When’s the last time you showered? A. Before you left for the club. B. It was a week ago and it was to cover the sound of your sobs.

1327 AD: “I love this new “Ring Around the Rosie” Song!” vs. “I hate that schools are trying to make this bubonic plague sound fun!”

Dad: The town’s richest family used to own that. Now, everyone goes to Wally-Mart... Me: You have like, 17 pants from Walmart.

I don’t know if they teach conflict resolution in that school of yours these days, but I sure could use some relationship advice.

Not only is the third-person thing annoying, but it ends up sounding like a command. Simon says raise your hand if you want to slap me for that.

That’s me wearing the torn NASA t-shirt on my favorite couch. I uploaded this photo to show I’m a typical 39-year-old living in his Mom’s garage.

There's no living author with a better take on the "excruciating telegram" style of mom text messages.

We know you're eager to get back to inconsistent monthly visits to your 87-year-old father and checking your watch and sighing the entire time.

Concocting a knuckle sandwich is a delicacy in itself, and should be taken with care.

You know, obviously I figured I’d do it at some point, but it always seemed so far away. It was something for when I was older.

The queen travels around the board very fast, knocking over the other pieces, sometimes singing "Let It Go" from Disney’s Frozen.