Franz Kafka’s Bar Mitzvah Speech
The theme of my Bar Mitzvah is “Lying awake at night, your face slick with sweat, drowning in a pool of your own despair.”
Tag: Parents
Family Members, Ranked
8. The Nephew Whose Whole Thing Is Being Cool: We all went through this phase in high school.
A Discussion Guide for Couples Bickering Over Which Family’s Zoom Thanksgiving to Attend
Can you count on one family to arrive with cute Zoom backgrounds? Does the other family have a firmer grasp on how the “Mute” button works?
Goosebumps Books for Unprecedented Times
"It Came From QAnon" Beware the Forums! – New neighbors can be so strange. At least, that's what Oaklyn Barnes thinks when she meets the Martins.
The McRib Sandwich or My Absent Father?
Very hard to get a hold of. / Rarely available but never disappears forever. / Covered in BBQ sauce.
A Day in My Life if I Was Allowed to Curse in Front of My Immigrant Family
8:15 AM: I get ready for my workday. I am dressed in a t-shirt that says “Open Letter To 'The Man': Eat Shit.”
How I Grew My Bank Account by $13 Dollars in Just Six Months!
I tried swing trading, but I guess I misunderstood what that meant, because the cops got called the second I showed up at the playground.
An Important Message from Your University President, Who Is Shocked That What Everyone Said Would Happen Is Happening
For starters, many of you have been attending parties. We told you not to do that! We thought you’d listen to us.
My Mom Ages Beautifully; I Become More Haggard by the Day
She goes to bed early, after washing her face and applying night serum. I go to bed drunk, after forgetting to brush my teeth or remove my contacts.
Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya and, If I’m Being Completely Honest, My Father’s Death Was at Least Partly Due to Prolonged Exposure to Dangerous Sword-Making Fumes
It wasn't uncommon to come down to the breakfast table and see my father carefully spooning some of the fumes into his coffee.
You’re Invited to Join Our Exclusive Learning Pod
The secret to surviving homeschool is money. The secret to surviving pandemic parenting is also money.
Orientation for College-At-Home, According to Your Mom
Food Service: Breakfast is served from 6:12 AM to 6:18 AM. You’ll have a choice of bran flakes or bran toast.