Please Stop Inviting Me, Leonardo da Vinci, To Your Dream Dinner Parties of People Alive or Dead
Did it ever occur to you that I wrote backwards because I was a private guy who kept to himself? You think social anxiety wasn’t a thing in 1507?
Tag: Parties
These Constant Fireworks I Hear Every Night Before Bed Is Exactly What I Needed
There’s nothing I love more than hearing all types of fireworks one after the other. Sometimes it’s a bunch of little ones; like 25 in a row.
How to Tell If You Died and Became Santa, or Are Just a Messy Bitch
I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!
Why I Went to Greg Johnson’s 8th Birthday Party Instead of Going to See Michael Jordan and the 1996 Chicago Bulls
The party was going to have two different kinds of ice cream cake. / I had serious concerns whether Dennis Rodman was going to be a good roster fit.
The Astrological Signs as Frat Boys
Miles, the Sagittarius, regales the party with tales from his trip to East Asia, and questions whether Western medicine is always right.
You Are Cordially Invited to Grandpa’s 7th Emotional Birthday Party
One especially pleasing development is how Grandpa has started taking responsibility for his actions.
How to Parallel Park a Limousine in a Security Laser Maze
An excerpt from Section 38.28.1 of the Limo Driver's Handbook about how to deal with a bachelorette that turns into a jewel heist.
Kissing Games: The Playtest Notes
All the kisses started to look the same, and I was kind of bored by the time it was my turn. Could each kiss include progressively more tongue? (Oswald)
Excerpt from “Norse Mythology for Bostonians: A Transcription of the Impudent Edda”
Brady: Known as Balder & nicknamed the White or the Beautiful, Brady is the most attractive of the gods, and most popular since he started playing QB.
13 Things I, a 33-Year-Old Man with Zero Interest in Football, Find More Exciting to Watch at a Super Bowl Party Than the Game
Janice and Mark’s whisper-fights about their upcoming incomplete wedding plans. They’ve been engaged for 7 years now.
Please Hire Me to Be Your Gatsby Party’s Nick Carraway
In a corner with a martini covering 75% of my face, I can weave an intricate tapestry of all the backroom drama unfolding behind closed doors.
“Today I Am a Woman” by Brittany Katz, Capo De Tutti Capi of the Larchmont Middle School District
I've informed the top girls in junior high and below that you can speak for me in all but the most sensitive matters. Welcome to the big show, ladies