Penises

Tag: Penises

Maybe you’ve wondered to yourself while mowing your lawn, “Hey, why isn’t my backyard shaped more like a shaft and two balls?”

I remain perplexed as to the genesis of Igor’s strong opinions regarding the choice of which cadaver shall provide the penis.

This is going to hell in a hand-job! / What in masturbation?! / Fallopian out loud! / No shit, short-cock.

If I’ve already showered I’ll typically just pour something sticky on my head like honey or maple syrup and pretend it was an accident.

Negative and disgusting things you should save until at least the second date, if you're lucky enough to get that far.

You’re the best goddamned spy we’ve got in the service, but the day you TRULY become a spy is the day you get my stepson to show me some respect.

For the Lost Kings "Work" remix, always say "werk" in lieu of "work." As your adamantly heterosexual boyfriend says, "It's better to twerk, girl!"

Can I please just host this disco sex party in peace, without the dread of a Grindr message like, "Is there a face to go with your torso?"

Specific sweater styles that tell him you're open to the idea of talking about maybe taking it up the butt, maybe. But probably.

Other men see my pee on that white plastic horseshoe and know I'm in charge. That I'm an Alpha, and they are the weaker members of my species.

I've had it. The picture of me in your "cool" MeUndies boxer briefs that you just sent to eleven different women really pushed me over the edge.

Rejecting the opportunity to Google duck penises all night on the internet just to have sex with someone is a slap in the face to Bill Gates.