I’m a Movie Teen and This Is Really How I Talk
Speaking like this to my mom and bestie is just kind of my aesthetic? Does that make sense? It doesn’t? Well, whatever. I didn’t write this movie.
Tag: Editors’ Picks
An Excerpt from “Dead Guy Avenue,” My Hardboiled Detective Novel Where the Narrator Can’t Really Remember What Happened
Wait, no, maybe it was his wife who killed his business partner? I don’t know-- someone died, is the gist of it.
What I Think Will Happen When I Complete Duolingo Beginner French
“Merci,” I respond. “Incroyable,” the driver says, slowly taking off his sunglasses, “You really know your stuff.”
Hold My Calls, I Have a Crush
Immediately reschedule the client-by-client reviews; I like him so much I’m gonna throw up.
Post-Life Satisfaction Survey
How did you hear about Life? - Was never informed about Life, just thrust into it with no agency or choice. - Instagram.
I Consider This Jury My Friends
I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.
I Got into Law So I Could Make Up a Nickname and Put It on Billboards
As a child, I looked up at those billboards and marveled at their power. Could you just choose a nickname?
The Book of Genesis, If God Was Creating a Party
And God said, “Let there be great music so none of them talk to each other,” and there was a DJ who worked in finance but DJed on the side.
Finally, Some Representation for Virgins in Politics!
He’ll make sure every American has access to basic libido killers, like subscriptions to the Criterion Channel and graphic tees that say “Mommy’s Little Gamer.”
Actor Bios for Your Town’s Fourth Production of “Shrek: The Musical”
I keep trying to bring up how none of us know our new lines or fit into our new costumes, but Duncan just keeps shouting, “That’s showbiz, baby.”
As a “Short King” Please Understand I Am Duty Bound to the Magna Carta
Con: Quite frequently we will have leave during movie night to oversee the search for knights and an exorcist.
The Letter D Wishes You’d Stop Calling the Alphabet “The ABCs”
“The ABCs” isn’t even a good name. I don’t really see the draw.