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I called both my parents to tell them that I loved them, then I drove exactly 5 MPH above the speed limit to work.

Get this: he whispers to me. Secrets mostly, and sometimes the weather. Yeah, most people are really jazzed when I tell them.

Our Best of 2024 articles feature a Furby boyfriend, a leering train conductor, a pugnacious philosopher, a hip and out-of-shape dad, and more!

Apathy doesn’t gel with our mission of making dogs better-looking with the transformative power of AI.

"Sounds like a nightmare. Tell me all about it."

It will be a chance to network over a sweet treat with other gladiators who, in a few days, will try to clobber the life out of you.

If you think Thanksgiving is a time when we could all come together, you haven’t met my family after I poke and prod.

It is imperative we observe the appropriate time to ring in the season, as that “ring” is the alarm which awakens Santa from his 11-month slumber.

As your mayor I promise to deal with the blights of this city: dozens of unfilled potholes, a lack of affordable housing, and obviously, Greg.

But friend, we are far from alone. We share this space with a legion of bugs.

The very moment I use my turning signal I will be blasted sky-high. You can imagine the headache this has brought upon me.

Is it even a crime to steal pasta? Oh right, it is.