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Tag: Editors’ Picks

She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.

No, of course not. It's no big deal. This happens to everyone. Right? Everyone has little involuntary muscle spasms sometimes.

Lower back pain that sets in after approximately half an hour of immobility.

So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?

My schedule should def get more flexible though after the conclusion of the next eight American presidential election cycles.

Minute 4: I cut out all fake friends, they’re leeches.

You're eleven, and first thing's first: everybody is going to be super impressed that you, an eleven-year-old, are already reading Hemingway.

After my performance last Saturday, I cannot in good conscience accept this participation ribbon.

I’ve been going in there (dark places in my mind) and destroying it (crying)! I take no prisoners (except myself)!

“Compromising Information” refers primarily to the eggnog-induced confessions that occurred around the fire pit on Christmas Eve.

In those days, the money and pool snacks seemed to flow as freely as the hose we used to spray down the concrete when some kid dropped his nachos.

Not enough soda // A side dish that inexplicably calls for three sticks of cream cheese