I’m Sorry My Newsletter Is Late
Let’s pray this doesn't happen a third time. For peace of mind, I encourage you to hug your loved ones, renew your passport, liquidate assets, etc.
Tag: Editors’ Picks
Frequently Asked Questions About Our New AI-Powered Spaghetti
SpaghettAI involves unfathomable computing power, a series of data centers in Tuscany, and a gargantuan tub of tomato sauce in the metaverse.
Announcing My Seasonal Transition to Fairweather Friend
Fairweather Friend Season commences with the onset of colder temperatures, and/or bird migration, and/or closed-toed shoes.
What My Next Week Would Have to Look Like for This Swiss Army Knife Purchase to Be Worth It
As the sun sets on the horizon, I use the bottle opener to crack open some ice cold beers and bond with my shipmates.
A Lengthy Puff Piece About Scout Walz, First Dog of Minnesota
Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.
Your Promotion from Coworker to Friend Has Been Denied
We know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear, but unfortunately our pool was full of more qualified applicants or people we already know who lived closer.
Modern Art Labels for the Junk on My Desk
Half-Burnt Candle, Ongoing. Wax, glass, scented oils. In Half-Burnt Candle, the collector subverts tradition by leaving a candle half-burnt.
Why Go Back to the Moon When We Already Crashed into Its Eye in George Méliès “A Trip to the Moon”?
Are our resources best used on returning to the moon, a place explored over 120 years ago by a team of astronomers with huge beards and wizard hats?
We’re Definitely Not Exaggerating Our Claims About This Merino Wool Jacket Just to Get You to Buy It
This jacket matches whatever you’re wearing. It’ll choose an outfit for you if you don’t know what to wear.
The Thing About My Non-Committal Boyfriend Is That He Was Hurt in a Previous Relationship Also He Can’t Close His Eyes Completely like a Furby
He was broken up with once, so we can’t expect him to be anywhere on time, as planned, or wearing an outfit appropriate for the occasion.
Character from My Unfinished Epic Fantasy Novel or IKEA Product?
SNARJVK: A rubber vegetable-scrubbing glove, $7.99 or a giant wolf with ivory tusks and purple bioluminescent fur?
Recipes for People Who Don’t Cook, but Have No Choice This Weekend Because Their Partner Is Out of Town
Directions: Forgo the kitchen scissors and rip the Hershey’s bag open in the worst way possible.