As Your Next Mayor, I Promise to Deal with Greg
As your mayor I promise to deal with the blights of this city: dozens of unfilled potholes, a lack of affordable housing, and obviously, Greg.
Tag: Politics
A Republican Politician Explains Abortion While Being Attacked by Lions
But please whisper these questions. I fell into this lion’s den at the zoo and the lions are sleeping. I want to keep it that way.
Warrior: I Voted in a Middle School Gym During a 6th Grade Basketball Game
I took an “I Voted” sticker and slapped it on. The anti-participation trophy faction in the stands booed this profusely.
Why I Like the Taste of Billionaire Boots
I have to defend the rich, so that in a theoretical future where I become ultra-wealthy, I can benefit the same way they do now.
The Fundraising Bots Are Planning a Heist
George Clooney here, I’m reaching out as a supporter of the Democratic party. Your time is valuable, so I’ll be blunt. We’re going to rob a casino.
Alternative Forms of Voter ID for Each State
North Carolina, Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas — A bottle of your signature barbecue sauce (signature must be on bottle)
An NYT/Washington Post Fact Check of Laffy Taffy Jokes
The Claim: What did you call a pile of cats? (a Meowtain) Our Rating: FALSE. A group of cats is called a Clowder.
A Lengthy Puff Piece About Scout Walz, First Dog of Minnesota
Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.
“Democracy Will Perish Unless You Follow Me on Social Media”—A Note from Your Congressman
Did you see my tweet from this morning saying I take everyone’s concerns seriously, accompanied by a gif from The Office?
The U.S. Begs England to Take Them Back
It blows my mind that we used to be one country, isn’t that wild? But enough about me. Tell me what have you been up to?
We Are Cicadas Who Have Been Underground Since the Obama Administration
Now, front legs clasped, we surge skyward to a world replete with the bounties of over a decade of equality and universal healthcare!
Please Ban My Book, I Need the Exposure
Presales numbers are important to publishers, and a high-profile banishment is the 2024 version of an Oprah’s Book Club Sticker.