Alabama State Senator or The Bachelorette Contestant?
Garrett P. is from Birmingham and looking for love. Dan R. is from Birmingham and does not care that there is less than 25% support for banning abortion.
Tag: Politics
If Howard Schultz Won’t Screw Up This Election by Running as a Democratic-Leaning Independent, Then I, David Hoffmann, President and CEO of Dunkin’ Donuts, Will
Howard and I both know the importance of symbolic gestures---have you ever ordered oatmeal at Dunkin’ or Starbucks? No. But you COULD!
Why You Should Reelect Me to the St. Anthony Parish Council
Many of you hare aware of the plumbing issue recently discovered in the sacristy toilet, a situation Father David referred to as “a test of faith.”
Robbing the Wealthy at Arrowpoint and Redistributing Their Gold to the Peasantry Only Leads to More Peasants
You never know what a peasant is going to do with that signet ring you slipped from the archbishop's finger while pretending to kiss his hand.
Trump’s Border Wall is Definitely a Metaphor, and I’m Definitely Not Riding Your Husband Like He’s a Clydesdale Taking Me West
“What is it, sugar bean?” your husband said while massaging my back. Again, we’re speaking in metaphor. This can mean whatever you want it to mean!
Twelve New Career Ideas for Student Loan Collectors If Elizabeth Warren Becomes President
Finally, you can be the cafeteria worker whose job it is to take lunches away from elementary schoolers who forget to bring their lunch money.
The Syllabus to Paul Ryan’s Notre Dame Political Science Class
There's no curve in this class. Curves are “the hammock that lulls able-bodied students into dependence and complacency, draining their will.”
Things I, A Super Progressive White Man, Am Willing to Forgive Beto O’Rourke
Having sex with my wife. She was planning to vote for Kamala Harris and not Beto prior to their sexual encounter.
Ideas for Mending Your Relationship with the IRS after Being Caught Cheating on Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
The Mayor of New York City Should Be an Actual Train
Whereas politicians say lies, trains say only “choo-choo” and “chuga-chuga” and “stand clear of the closing doors, please.”
Unnerving Emails Norton AntiVirus Sends Me
Data leak alert: Your fitting room selfies were just shared with your high school reunion Facebook group.
Is Pete Buttigieg Gay Enough? If He Can Answer These Questions, He Just Might Be
Question 3. Do you understand the innate joke that lies in calling your supporters the Pete Fleet and are you willing and able to joke about it?