Thoughts from a Town with an Abandoned Twinkie Factory
"When we put him in the ground, we dropped in every Twinkie wrapper. A shade under a million. He lived to 103. So...yes. I think they're ok for you.”
Tag: Politics
What Happens When You Stop Following Trump News: A Week-by-Week Guide
Week 5: Recognizing that life is all too fragile and almost anything can be forgiven, you begin repairing the relationship with your estranged father.
Incel Burger Has Heard Your Complaints and We’re Sorry
As our apology, have a free “Girlfriend’s Fingers Fries,” which are for scraping against your cheek so that you can pretend you have a girlfriend.
Who Are You Going to Believe: The Man With Everything to Lose or the Woman With Nothing to Gain?
At the end of the day, Ford may give a powerful testimony, but that doesn't change the fact that she has two X chromosomes.
The Honest Calendar of a 17-Year-Old Rapist
October 28: Buy easy access costume for Halloween rape --- maybe just go as a giant penis and forgo pretense?
I Voted for Donald Trump Because I Thought He’d Help Me Win Sandra Back—I Was Wrong
Of course, he was pursuing a shoddy, ill-conceived attempt to normalize relations with North Korea: it would be a great honeymoon spot.
My First Day at the Department for Duplicated Departments
10.15 am - Somone tries to get into the office but gets lost in the revolving doors.
Writer’s Block Busted! Political Speechwriters Edition
The first step, of course, is to avoid mirrors. This is essential if you are to eliminate the risk of looking yourself in the eye.
Emails Between God and His IT Guy
Don’t worry, Big Man, we’ll figure this out. (By the way, You really should come downstairs to level 5 to get a cupcake!)
Superheroes in the Millennial Legion
As Acai City’s newest hero, Millennial Girl is committed to protecting and serving all citizens born between 1981 and 1998.
Apolitical Questions the Senate Judiciary Committee Members Wish They Could Ask Supreme Court Nominees
Is there a Supreme Court bowling team called “Divided Court-United Ballers?” If not, why?
A Line-By-Line Translation of a White Politician’s Spanish
Candidate: (unintelligible) Translation: Probably a profession of love for taco bowls?