My Car Keys are Missing, and I Blame Hillary’s Emails
I have the world's best memory, so when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my car keys anywhere, I knew Crooked Hillary was to blame.
Tag: Politics
Jared Kushner Email: “Did Anyone Find a Pokémon Backpack in the Oval Office?”
Not only might this backpack contain documents related to the fake Russia investigation, but it also has sentimental value.
Parents Need Better Access to Affordable Child Pageants
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
Opening Statement from Congressional Conservatives Following Historic Tax Bill Approval
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!
The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library Yacht Puts All Others to Shame
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
Death Stars Must Be Legalized for Private Ownership
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
30-Point NYC Subway Improvement Plan
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
9 Perfect Holiday Gifts for the Trump Supporter in Your Life
Essential gifts for the hard-to-shop-for, not-so-subtle racists, and people who still want to talk about "the emails" in your life.
I Am the Best Neopets Player in All of Neopia
You know Neopets? The little pets online. They're like animals, like animals in the world, but magical and on the computer. So fun, and I'm the best.
The New York Times Reports That a Meteor Will Destroy Earth in Two Days—Don’t Believe It
According to the NYT, scientists predict that a 30-mile-wide meteor is hurtling toward Earth and will destroy all life in two days. Here's why you should be skeptical.
Is Your “Improv Team” Actually an Alt-Right Men’s Group?
Does your "improv team" go by a cute-ish, possibly pun-based name like "Nutz and Boltz," "Bad Uncle Jimmy," or "The Proud Boys"?
A Zen Guide to Surviving a Red State Thanksgiving
Going home for the holidays is never easy, especially when your relatives start talking about politics. Here's some advice to help you through this Thanksgiving.