Republicans have demonstrated unflappable stoicism in the face of foreign attacks, unparalleled corruption, and looming constitutional crisis. How would they have fared with historical events?
No sense in paying all this money for Obamacare when the end is near. Expensive, too expensive, when we're all going to die anyway. You should love the AHCA.
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
In-your-face artists who reject truth and beauty (but will never clean up their own mess) deserve federal support because they are more creative than you.
Dear Donald Trump and other fat pieces of shit. You're making the rest of us fatties look bad. Stop it.
Sean Spicer's job as White House Press Secretary relies heavily on his ratings, so I've come up with a few ideas to ensure that he has an amazing second season.
The world is watching us, waiting... But can we respond tomorrow, maybe? I'm kind of tired tonight. I worked till like 6pm today and the season finale of "Ladies of London" is on.
Get lots of bad press for golf, bad, but you’d spend most of your time golfing too if you were trying to distract yourself from everyone’s problems.
It takes 35 minutes to prepare but deconstructs the dinner party in mere seconds, allowing you to restore the cultural and economic sanctity of your home forever.
Trumps cameo in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York may only be three seconds, but its gut-bustingly laugh-larious. Seriously, its that funny.
I didn't come all the way from England and finally get my own HBO program only to rant about an orange devil destroying our planet each week. I came to talk about guinea pigs.
It’s tough going from the head honcho to being a number 2. What do I always say? “If you don’t punch the hog in the nose he’ll make complex international decisions without you.”