I watch SNL and I see me in every episode, but I wasn’t on the show recently. Haven’t in a long time, I’m not in the studio. So why do I see myself on the screen week after week after week?
Here are just a few of the many ways that I, Adam Duritz, lead singer of the Counting Crows, am equipped to run for president of the United States.
Like you, Mr. President, I'll do whatever it takes to win. Have you seen the footage of my landslide victory at the watermelon eating contest?
Instagram Captions (formerly known as "Poetry"). More often than not just prose with unconventional line breaks.
Do you feel out of step with the rest of the country? Are you still clinging to those liberal values of human rights and free speech? We can help!
Those little yellow stickies are the only place you can trust for good news. Well I mean “good” like “real,” because sometimes the news, it isn't so good.
"I think that it’s important to realize that Mr. Wayne has kept a lot of secrets from the American people, secrets that Mr. Joker, frankly, feels they deserve to have answered."
In a concerted effort to protect our own from further desecration and prejudice, we secretly replace all Gentile bodies with dead Jews. Standard procedure within the Conspiracy.
It really irks me when someone says my two-mom, non-traditional upbringing, could have damaged me as a child. I'm damaged because my moms were wolves.
For every young gazelle killed by a lion for food, a puppy, too, must also be sacrificially exsanguinated by Steve Bannon to the Dark King of Babylon.
The Jews are so good, they almost remind me of myself. Always dealing. So I keep Jared right next to me. Keeping an eye on him.
One look into Stein's past would have revealed some big clues to the total disaster wrought upon our country due to her very presence.