Are You Getting LASIK Surgery or Starring in a Cheap Porn?
- You just met the person who will be intimately probing your body - Several people and bright lights surround you
Tag: Porn
All the Embarrassing Stuff You Caught Me Doing When You Entered My Bedroom Without Knocking
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
An Open Letter to the Guy Who Receives Self-Help Tips from the Pornhub Comment Section
We sympathize that you've lost “thousands of comments I need to get through the daily existential dread,” we have a moral obligation to protect our users.
New GPS Personalities for Drivers
Irritable Parent: “I SAID, turn right. Am I doing this for my health? You wanted to get to 1862 Forestway Boulevard North"
Porn Options for Dads
Slow, seamless unboxings / Understated Nextdoor heroics / Horny locals making out to FiveThirtyEight podcast / Vintage SkyMalls
Porn Scenarios Realistically Updated for the Pandemic
A frisky couple chasing a thrill has sex on Instagram Live, but frantically sign off when one of their parents joins the stream.
It Has Come to My Attention that People Think My Small Business, “Randy’s Adult Superstore,” Is a Porn Shop
We're clearly marked, "Randy's Adult Superstore"! A normal store for normal, non-sex crazed adults. What’s the issue here?
We Are the Feet in the Photo Accompanying Every Humor Piece Ever Written About Sex
There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.
You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars
A live sex show performer, Thack Pour typically festooned his lithe body with corsets and cummerbunds of various sizes and quality.
It’s Probably No Big Deal That Every Single Woman in My Life is Exclusively Watching Shows About Murder
Maybe if there was an anger rising in women from an ongoing parade of injustices being carried out against them, then I’d be a little on edge.
You are Cordially Invited to This Year’s Thanksgiving, Which My Son Will Be Filming to Expose the Sham of the Modern Family
To symbolize the risks one takes when they pledge loyalty based only on shared blood, one small razor blade will be hidden in the macaroni scramble.
An Inside Look at the Crack Marketing Team at Pornhub
If I’ve already showered I’ll typically just pour something sticky on my head like honey or maple syrup and pretend it was an accident.