A Plea for a Return to Decency
Support us at The Lincoln Project and our quest to return America to her former glory: killing poor people but with good manners.
Tag: Presidents
The Trump Tapes You Haven’t Heard Yet
“My good friend General Tojo, who is very respected and very highly uhhh... I guess thought of, is going to bomb Pearl Harbor tomorrow."
A Letter from the Furies to President Trump Updating His Torture Policy to Include ABBA
Subsequent to receiving this letter, you will hear ABBA songs inside your head everywhere you go, no matter what you happen to be doing.
Self-Assessment: How Electable You Are for President Based on Your Religion
CHRISTIAN-CATHOLIC: Oh wow. Not a great choice. Sure, Catholics are technically Christians, but today’s voters require that you be "saved."
Donald and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Pandemic
At night, my bath was too hot, I got hand sanitizer in my eyes, and I had to isolate in my presidential railroad-train pajamas. I hate those pajamas!
United States Presidents vs. Swamp Rabbits
In 1903, Theodore Roosevelt announces an open boxing challenge to any willing swamp rabbit. In 1911, William Howard Taft eats a swamp rabbit.
Unnecessary Places Where Trump’s Signature Will Now Appear
After “FROM:” on the name tags of all wedding gifts / Embroidered on all weighted blankets / Baked into the crust of all apple pies
20 More Eerie Coincidences Between Lincoln and JFK’s Assassinations
Both times people were upset about it. / Both assassins used firearms as a method of assassinating. / Thus, both assassinations were really loud.
Historical Cures That Were Worse Than the Problem
Problem: Polio Cure: Jonas Salk’s polio vaccination. Worse Problem: Finding out your favorite celebrity thinks vaccines are worse than polio.
9 Things to Tell Daughters They Can Be Without Going to Hell for Lying
A struggling WNBA player - Of course, your daughter can absolutely be the best point guard in the WNBA! / Probably bisexual - Give her to age 25.
Looking Back at the Campaign of Pete Buttigieg, the Porcelain Doll Possessed by My Late Grandfather’s Spirit
We were thrilled to see that Peepaw had seized the opportunity for a new lease on life, by using the shiny, porcelain figurine "Pete Buttigieg."
17 Absurd Moments from State of the Union History That Make More Sense Than Anything You’ll Hear Tonight
1975 — Gerald Ford, cognizant of new requirements to look good on TV, overdoes his makeup and inadvertently wins an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.