License to Kill
Because I have been the victim of society's horrors, I have decided to dedicate my life to eradicating the machine by using its own ways and means. I miss my gun.
Tag: Primal Urges
Congraduations, Class of 2007
It’s an honor to speak to you today and let you know how fucked you are. Seriously. You made a huge mistake. You graduated.
Pat Tillman: Better Man Than I
Imagine giving up lots of money to defend your country in the military. And then dying in the process. No, you're not that big of a man yet.
Punch These Guys in the Mouth
When things get out of line, it's time to put your mano where their mouth is. You'd be surprised how much a good knuckle sandwich can fix.
Earning a Dick’s Respect
Hey girls, tired of being treated like sluts and whores? Here are four simple, sex-free things you can do to get more respect from men.
My Ideal Woman
Women are like cars: complicated and fun to ride. Choose your make and model wisely, or you might end up an emotional wreck.
A Rock and a Fake Place
Imagine this situation: You're about to breakup with your girlfriend, but she dies first, leaving you in pseudo-mourning. Tough break.
The Internet is Weird
You meet some weird people on the internet, but once in a while you'll stumble upon a great night and story to follow. Thanks stripper poet.
Striking Little Kids Out for Cash
As an umpire, you get paid to make the rules. What other job lets you yell at parents and round the bases with their daughters?
The Least Refreshing Cool Breeze Ever
Nothing freezes crime in its tracks like a neighborhood-wide police sweep. So Operation Cool Breeze brought the heat on minor offenses.
The Guest Preacher
The guest preacher stands at the pulpit. He is donned in a beaten Army Flak jacket, a pair of ripped jeans, and a beer stained t-shirt.
Stop Fucking with My Money
American money was meant to look kick ass, not pretty and colorful. Lay off the queer design changes, U.S. government.