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“This Isn’t Disney’s Magic Kingdom: Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts When Shipwrecked on the Island of a Vengeful Sorcerer”

Good for your health either way. (This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration or Pitchfork Media.)

Question 3: You and the gals are out on the town when a guy you have a crush on starts hitting on one of your friends. What’s your move?

While doing a forward bend in the local park, you smell… A) Doggy breath B) Baby poop C) Your name being added to a new Slack channel

Main priority is to help a childish man learn to accept responsibility and find happiness. / Likes to wear tube tops and/or bright mini skirts.

After she breaks up with him, appears outside her window in a trench coat. With a boombox blaring the iconic song she lost her virginity to.

Very hard to get a hold of. / Rarely available but never disappears forever. / Covered in BBQ sauce.

Joe takes me out onto the balcony, places his strong, soft hands on my cheeks and whispers softly in my ear, “Amtrak.” We make love under the moon.

These two American staples have a lot in common: trials, tribulation, love, even amputation. How many will you get right?

Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.

You are unwise to lower your defenses. / Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. / You’re just a child with a mask.

What does your child do for fun? A) Mescaline. B) Sits quietly while parents read NYT Cooking section. C) Derives enjoyment from pleasing others.