The Thunder in Paradise: Poems Created From Interviews With Hulk Hogan, Part 3
get red-hot, / a white meat babyface / I would always tease him / by calling him “Broccoli” / even if it made things worse.
Tag: Regret
What’s On Tap at the Bitter Break-Up Brewery
Petty Fight Pilsner: Remember that yelling match in the parking lot after the old disagreement about whose responsibility it was to feed the fish?
If Bachelorette Contestants Were Burger King Menu Items
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
Well, I Just Got to Hell and the Bagels Freaking Suck
You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.
I’m Sorry, I Won’t Make a Cake for Your Gay Wedding, Because This is an OshKosh B’Gosh
All I can offer you is 60% off all denim-wear. So yous can getcha some toddler overalls or some jeans for any little tikes yous two may know of.
Do Not Buy a Star for Your Wife on Mother’s Day
If you do purchase a star on Star Registry for your wife, don’t tell her you named it Cougar15 because she's a cougar and you’ve been married for 15 years.
Furniture King Supports Your Boycott
I aim to run this Kingdom in a way that would have pleased Thomas Aquinas, right down to the tonsured haircut that I require all staff to adopt.
If Amazon and the Postal Service Were Two Teenage Boys in Forbidden Love
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
You’re God! How Will You Punish Jim Carrey?
Somebody will watch in confusion as a frustrated Jim Carrey thrusts his torso to explain where the parking garage’s car elevator will go.
An Open Letter to My Parents Who are Forcing Me to Be an Amateur Standup Comedian When I Just Want to Work in Human Resources
Even though I am pursuing a stable career in human resources, please remember that I will always be your emotionally underdeveloped and insecure son.
Five Power Ties to Match Your Ruthless Expression As You Testify Against Your Best Friend
As you point at Michael, his eyes won't stray from yours, but everyone on that jury will take note of the way you're dressed.
Martha Stewart’s Recipe for the Disappointment in All of Us
Hey ya'll, it's me, Martha Stewart, and I'm here to tell you that even you can can succeed in baking this very simple, very disappointing recipe.