My Boyfriend Was a Hipster and I Had No Idea
There were days when it'd be hot outside and he'd wear a beanie, and not just a light one—stitched wool with snowflakes and reindeer patterns.
Tag: Regret
I’ll Never Forget You or Your Wild Accusations, But I’m Still Moving Out
What juvenile fun we had competing for the same man's attention while he was my boyfriend. A game of cat and mouse indeed, as you called it.
How to Apologize to Your Dentist for Not Flossing
Looks like the Associated Press is reporting fake "you don't have to floss" news, and you'll have to admit: your dentist has always been right.
Not Only is My Jacket Cooler Than Yours, Your Jacket is Absolutely Awful
I haven't been paying that much attention to you - but what I can say with complete certainty is that your jacket is not as cool as mine.
So Your Professor Dreams All Came Crashing Down in One Ugly Q&A
Bruce stood on the stage of the auditorium drenched in sweat, silently waving with his fake ass smile plastered on while the crowd sat in silence horrified.
Just Because I Hallucinated While Serving You Chinese Mall Food Doesn’t Make You Better Than Me
The moment you mispronounced "Szechuan chicken," all of reality froze as if someone had hit the pause button on existence.
The Five Stages of Shitty Balinese Tattoo Grief
One short series of poor vacation decisions later, and you ended up with a new shoulder dragon friend for life.
7 Regrets I Have After Creating a Flesh-and-Blood Dilbert
In my haste to create a flesh-and-blood Dilbert, I took a few shortcuts which, in retrospect, were pretty big mistakes.
Your Amazon.com order of “J&D’s Bacon Condoms…” has shipped!
Your order of: J&D's Bacon Condoms 3-Pack, The Original Infant Circumcision Trainer, and 7 other items has shipped!
Forgetting Your Password: The Five Stages of Grief
There's no way I entered this incorrectly; I watched myself do it the right way ten times now. Why would I get my password wrong? It's MY password.
I Don’t Want This Suck & Fuck to Start Getting Political
Suck & Fuck does not belong to anyone. It is a car-based, non-profit sexual marathon open to all members of the public, so long as they adhere to the rules.
I’m Beginning to Have Second Thoughts About Joining This Apocalyptic Death Cult
There's no one thing that's bugging me about the death cult; it just seems like every few days another annoyance breaches the surface, and they're starting to add up.