12 Moments You Thought You Could Forget, but Your Phone’s Photo “Memories” Function Won’t Let You
That time you got your first martini at the airport and took a pic for the group chat before tasting it and realizing you hate martinis.
Tag: Regret
My Only Regret in Life Is Not Petting More Dogs
I would pet little dogs, big dogs, toy dogs, and dogs that don’t even look like dogs. Boring dogs. Cool dogs. Hot dogs. All the dogs.
Translation Guide for Our Company’s Return Policy
"Print out a prepaid shipping label." We’re aware there’s no logical reason for a partly-employed 24-year-old to have a printer.
Well, Gang, We Completely Failed to Save the Rec Center
I really believed that a gang of scrappy, oddball teenage underdogs like us could pull this off against all odds.
I’m Hanging Off the Edge of a Cliff and There Has Never Been a Better Time to Podcast!
Looking down and seeing my legs dangling over a 400-foot drop has helped me to put certain decisions I’ve made about my life into focus.
A Template for Confessing Your Infidelity and/or Announcing You Are the New Pope
I think we can all agree: it is odd how a single (accidental text message / vote with my fellow Cardinals) can change the course of history
I’m Furious That My Soul-Crushing Novel Isn’t a Bestseller
But after all my sacrifice, my masterpiece sold only sixty-three copies, fifty of which I pawned my furniture to buy.
I Miss the Days When Men Were Men and Women Were Something Strange and Terrible We Don’t Dare Discuss
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
I’m the Basil Plant You Bought at the Farmer’s Market—We Need to Talk
It’s not like I expected you to use me every meal. You can’t have basil all the time, I get it. I’ll be here when you need me, I said.
Playful Cheeseburger Sliders, Motherly Advice, and a Sincere Apology
Glen Lentil goes patty wild, our horoscope writer just wants what's best for you, and a pool manager owns up to an honest mistake.
My Latest Job Rejection Email, Translated
We hope this message finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. (We hope you have other things going for you, like parents with substantial savings.)
Mistakes Were Made: One Intern’s Heartfelt Apology, Written Entirely in the Passive Voice
The clients’ voicemails were mistakenly deleted, as the functions of the different button thingies had been forgotten.