Relationships | Page 13 | Points in Case

Tag: Relationships

I have noted my standards and policies. These are negotiable due to the extremely low bar I have set due to previous experiences with straight men.

He might be stuck inside but this fella is still capable of making dozens of women uncomfortable, from the comfort of his own home!

Don’t just stand there, staring at me. You’ve never asked for my consent. I don’t want to be three inches from your swollen uvula.

Knitting With Dog Hair: The three sets of socks will keep Jonathan's feet warm when he is cold and his mouth shut when he is snoring.

While you were once regaled with the chimes of wedding bells, you now shrivel before a vinegary antipasto and await the crushing gavel of defeat.

A millennium of mystics lives in my heart. But when you look at me, all you see is “Prince of Darkness” in Comic Sans stretched just under my chin.

One of your boyfriend’s friends bullies you, does your boyfriend… a) ...stand up for me! b) ...not do anything for sexy and mysterious reasons.

I'm a sex-positive ursidae in touch with my body and on fire with sexual empowerment. If you've seen a picture of me, I'm not even wearing pants.

In an instant a few things happened: we locked eyes and both looked away in embarrassment; and I realized it was me.

And then it hit me: if Jessica is begging for my wisdom, there must be dozens of other hot girl writers who are crying out for my help, too.

We’ve worked everything out with our mediator, Coffee Table. You can sit with me, Loveseat, on weeknights and with Chaise for naps on weekends.

I know my family can be hard to deal with. I can't cook, don't understand how to clean, and refuse to take out the trash for religious reasons.