My Name Is Old MacDonald and I Had More Than a Farm, I Had a Family
First there was a cluck-cluck here, then a cluck-cluck there, but soon my nightmares were filled with the cooings and cawings of the foulest fowl.
Tag: Relationships
Dr. Pepper Thinks You Deserve This Treatment, Greg!
Oh, you didn’t think I was a "real" doctor? Having your Ph.D. is nothing to scoff at. And I have two.
Must-Try Mother’s Day Sex Positions
The Time-Out - Take a break from spanking your husband to go spank your children for not doing the dishes.
How to Get Him to Notice You by Turning into This 1,000 Piece Puzzle of Ancient Greece
Nothing makes a man feel more like a god than putting together a woman’s misshapen pieces and presenting a beautiful picture to post on Instagram.
Conditions That Must Be Perfect for My Girlfriend and I to Have Sex
Phone ringer volume must be all the way down, so no one is distracted by a late call from Justin H. Each of us must be into our third Moscow Mule.
Love Tokens I Can Send My Boyfriend Instead of the Nudes He Keeps Asking For
My baby teeth set in a silver box / A vial of the tears I cried every time he asked me for nudes after I kept saying no
A Definitive List of Fruits Who Are Trying to Steal My Boyfriend
A Pair of Cantaloupes: Honestly I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s 2020, but come the fuck on cantaloupe.
Things I Wish My Boyfriend Pillow Could Do
Engage in an almost lyrical conversation about Laura Dern’s early work in Blue Velvet, noting its extreme qualities but necessary rise to canon.
Top-Rated Pastas to Eat at Home Alone During a Messy Divorce
You could try to explain bronze die-cut milling and how it creates a unique texture for holding sauce better, but there’s no need. Susan left you.
The Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover That Paul Simon Didn’t Want You to See
Be too into board games, James / Finally say how you really feel, Neil / Act like a slob, Rob / Cut them out of the will, Bill
Life Hack! These Items Will Last Longer if You Store Them in the Refrigerator
Human Remains – Whoops! You’ve been living your best life for a few months and completely forgot about your boyfriend Carson in the fridge.
A Love Letter to Ugly Cars Everywhere
Looking like the way a six-year-old might try to draw a sports car? Quirky! The sound system that consisted of maybe two buttons total? Great