Love Tokens I Can Send My Boyfriend Instead of the Nudes He Keeps Asking For
My baby teeth set in a silver box / A vial of the tears I cried every time he asked me for nudes after I kept saying no
Tag: Relationships
A Definitive List of Fruits Who Are Trying to Steal My Boyfriend
A Pair of Cantaloupes: Honestly I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s 2020, but come the fuck on cantaloupe.
Things I Wish My Boyfriend Pillow Could Do
Engage in an almost lyrical conversation about Laura Dern’s early work in Blue Velvet, noting its extreme qualities but necessary rise to canon.
Top-Rated Pastas to Eat at Home Alone During a Messy Divorce
You could try to explain bronze die-cut milling and how it creates a unique texture for holding sauce better, but there’s no need. Susan left you.
The Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover That Paul Simon Didn’t Want You to See
Be too into board games, James / Finally say how you really feel, Neil / Act like a slob, Rob / Cut them out of the will, Bill
Life Hack! These Items Will Last Longer if You Store Them in the Refrigerator
Human Remains – Whoops! You’ve been living your best life for a few months and completely forgot about your boyfriend Carson in the fridge.
A Love Letter to Ugly Cars Everywhere
Looking like the way a six-year-old might try to draw a sports car? Quirky! The sound system that consisted of maybe two buttons total? Great
Laffy Taffy Jokes Written by a Bitter Divorcé
Q: Why did the lizard’s wife leave him? A: He had e-reptile dysfunction / Q: Why did Karen cross the street? A: To sleep with her boss
Memo from Jesus: Read the Father’s Manual
Just yesterday, Sabrina summoned me. “Jesus!” she exclaimed. It sounded important so I flew over, only to find her reading the news on her phone.
My Kink Is Regular Sex
I like sex so much, I’ll have it anywhere: a king-sized bed, a queen-sized bed, I’ll even sex on a twin as long as I’m getting punished with sex.
My Entirely Intellectual and Not at All Emotional Reasons for Watching “The Bachelor”
I’m interested in analyzing the importance of “opening up” via “crying” and how this plays into our fantasies of ideal womanhood.
A Tale of Two Sisters with the Same Damn Taste in Men
Some evil Freudian wiring has kept my sister and I at the mercy of the same celebrities and, even worse, absolute hunks in our daily lives.