Relationships | Page 18 | Points in Case

Tag: Relationships

And what about that day I wore my ORGASM DONOR t-shirt and kept asking everyone in her family if they wanted to find out if they were a match?

Since you just ate at Taco Bell, you might be interested in knowing you are 8 minutes from home, which is where your toilet is. Traffic is clear.

Spending the night with your wife is now HAVING A SLEEPOVER WITH YOUR BESTIE. Dinner dates are now EATING WINGS WHILE YOU GOSSIP ABOUT NON-BESTIES.

I am overwhelmed with reports I have to finish, so I need someone smart to finish them, but not smart enough that my boss knows it’s not from me.

Our relationship---scratch that---friendship started when her sorority hired a petting zoo for a charity fundraiser.

I finish my first Peloton class and am so proud of myself I have a small panic attack. You can get panic attacks from joy, right?

"You are tearing our family apart." / "Your dog just threw up on my new shoes." / "Can you pick me up a pregnancy test when you’re out?"

I tried to find you again at 3:30 AM, but you were nowhere to be found. I think you starred Diane Keaton, so I doubt you're in Horror.

Our first date was straight out of a rom-com. Like, literally! He took me to Fenway Park, just like in Fever Pitch.

We’ve determined that the situation you’ve described does not qualify as Friendship and maybe you should just get a dog. Or a better vibrator.

Do you promise to never fake orgasms or moon landings? Will you open your heart to your spouse’s family, friends, and cabals?

I enjoy exercising now, since I can levitate over the treadmill while watching Hulu on my phone. If my BF asks, I tell him it’s supernatural cardio.