Rejected Chapter Summaries From “Stranger Things – Season 3”
The gang meets at the gym as they each try to punch the hottest boy in town. Curly Girl has a touching feminist discussion with mom about journalism.
Tag: Relationships
Shout-Outs to All the Special Guys Exhibiting Common Human Decency
How about a round of applause for the Starbucks barista who didn’t ask what else I like strong and hot on a summer afternoon.
Traditional High School Anniversary Gifts
1 Month: A Cherry Lifestyle Condom: A month in high school is basically a decade in real people years, so it’s time to take things to the next level.
Dos and Don’ts for Parenting When Your “Uncoupling” Involves His and Hers Restraining Orders
Don't ask loudly and rhetorically "See why I divorced her?" of the shoppers gaping at your unholy hissyfit over her congenital tardiness.
What to Say When Someone Grabs Your Hand to Ogle Your Engagement Ring
"The stone was my Great Aunt Shelley’s! But keep that to yourself... if she knows I stole it from her, she’ll cut me out of her will."
The Summer Spotify Playlist Your Therapist Made for You
"Someone New" by Hozier - Listen, I KNOW we put your love life on hold for the last three appointments but think of it as a fun little game.
Steely Dan Lyrics or Things Burnt-Out First-Time Parents Say to Each Other?
We could stay inside and play games, I don’t know. I kinda like frying up my sad cuisine, gettin' in bed and curling up with a girlie magazine.
If the Earth Really is Warming, Why is My Wife Still Leaving Me?
The eggheads at NASA say that last year was the fourth hottest on record, and yet a polar vortex of Arctic proportions has descended upon my bedroom.
How I Conquered My Addiction to Memoirs About Drinking
I still remember that first taste, the delicious mouth-feel of the words, the surprising burn as they went down.
Romantic Advice From a Plump Young Hen
You name it, I’ve been through it. Casual flings. True love. Nits. Pink eye. And I’ve been a truthteller and a trendsetter through it all.
All the Things I Would Have Said to the Dentist Who Insulted My Wife’s Teeth If I Wasn’t Busy With My Jet Ski That Day
When I got a text from my wife that you looked at her beautiful food grinders and said, “Are these rocks in your mouth? Who put these in?” I got mad.
Until They Invent a Profession to Help People With Their Issues, I Will Keep Burdening Women With My Problems
I don’t fix my issues, but I hide them under a thin sheet of functionality that I quickly whip off with the flair of a flamboyant Las Vegas magician.