The Girl of My Dreams Was a Paid Advertisement
Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.
Tag: Relationships
The Recipe to Every Meal You’ll Cook in Your First Real Apartment
Attempt to order Chinese food online. Discover credit card is maxed out. Head into kitchen with acute sense of impending doom.
One Scintillating Detail You Can Share With Your Date About Each of the Books On Your Bookshelf That You Haven’t Actually Read
What do we mean when we say that we’ve “read a book?” Do we mean that we've purchased the book, never cracked it, and had forgotten it existed?
Two Sports-Talkers Talking Sports Talk
HELLOOOOO! Hope you brought the peanut butter, because that my friend was a mouthwatering jam!
My Girlfriend Tries to Break Up With Me, a One-Off Character Who Needs to Quickly Deliver a Lot of Exposition
"Is this because you just lost your job? We’ve been through this, you’re an excellent reporter and they had no right to fire you! You won a Pulitzer!"
5 Signs Your Boyfriend is Just Your New Dermatologist
He introduced you to his "new assistant" Linda, who will be asking you a few questions before he sees you. He's already trying to add another woman?
Letters From a Shakesperean Manic Pixie Dream Girl
What can I say? Sometimes I feel like one of the fellows. After all, I’d rather have a turkey leg and mead than vegetables from the garden any day.
Other Secret and Torrid Fictional Relationships You Might Have Forgotten
Colonel Mustard and Professor Plum: There never was a murder, these two just needed to get away from their bridge club to whisper sweet nothings.
A Relationship Advice Column for Anthropomorphic Trains
Recently my partner, a 1991 Diesel, has started abruptly switching tracks during our intimate time. What do I do?
Concerning the “Automated Boudoir Companion” I Purchased From Your Catalog
I was unable to tell if it was the machine or I who was screaming as I was jostled unpleasantly amid black smoke and splattering whale jelly.
The Awful Male Lead in a Rom-Com is Caught After Lying the Entire Movie
The forces of nature want us to be together until we die or I get bored, and here "forces of nature" means things I deliberately orchestrated.
Four Signs You’re Dating a Shovel
"They love dirt" At first, it was sweet. "They really care about the Earth," you thought. But now you can't tear them away from the stuff.