A Room-By-Room Explanation of Why You’re Paranoid and I’m Not Cheating
Is it really necessary to go through the garbage can? Yes, I see the notes you’ve found. They’re also from my mother.
Tag: Relationships
Don’t Forget: Everyone Moves At Their Own Pace But You Are Still Undeniably Behind
You can’t even invite people over to your disgusting apartment? Jorge has a beautiful apartment and he doesn’t share it with four “artists.”
Things That I Cannot Do as a Woman in a Movie Whose Major Personality Traits Are That I’m Incredibly Petite and a Man is in Love With Me
Me, get into bed on my own? No, I simply must be picked up and tossed like a doll before unleashing these surprisingly-supple breasts!
Letters Home From a World War One Fuck Boy
Apparently, we were supposed to defend against an incoming force. But what were we supposed to do, not go party? Saturdays are for the boys!
This Year’s Best Picture Nominees Ranked by How Much My Son Resents My New Girlfriend
When my girlfriend tried to talk with my son, he kept referring to her as “replacement mommy” while jumping up and down pretending to be Peter Rabbit.
Nothing Gets Me Hotter Than Explaining the Academy Awards to You, Babe
You can bet that Alfonso Cuaron is winning Best Director for Roma. It’s as plain as the socks that are still on my feet, babe.
Teen Magazine Quizzes for Adults
Which teen heartthrob is the spitting image of someone you went to high school with but you can’t place? He definitely looks like someone… but who?
More Fun Facts About the Harry Potter Universe, From JK Rowling
All the bisexual students at Hogwarts were in their own separate, secret house called Smurgendurt. Their house colors were purple and invisible.
Rules for a Silicon Valley High School Dance in 2029
Students are not to ask the Steve Jobs hologram any questions pertaining to how much he actually did at Apple as opposed to the engineers.
7 Fun & Flirty Head Injuries to Find True Love
Dizzy from the amount of sudden cardio of hiking, wobble, and then get hit in the head with a drone, the impact sending you down a sharp embankment.
My Wife Has Put Her Foot Down: No More Sexting the Bride of Frankenstein
The Bride of Frankenstein and I actually had a lot in common. Like her, my fiercest critics have also called me an affront to God.
If You Can’t Beat Rainbow Road in Mario Kart, Don’t Bother Texting Me Back
And I don't want to keep harping on the past, but there were a few times when you couldn’t even finish the race. It's embarrassing.