Signs Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl May Be Less of a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and More of a “Depression Meal at Walmart”
As she trails off, she restarts "The Office" on Netflix for the twenty-fifth time and pulls her couch blanket over herself.
Tag: Relationships
What Elementary School Was Like in Each Decade
The 1960s: Students are now allowed to bring lunches with them to school.
Movies Reviewed By Me, a Teen in the Early 2000s, Based on What I Saw Before I Started Making Out
"Gone in 60 Seconds": I watched until they stole their first car, which was, fittingly, 60 seconds. I got the gist. Commence make-out.
Advice to My Son from Beyond the Grave
And finally, my son, I will assume that at this point you have started your own Westworld recap podcast so as not to let my legacy die with my body.
I’m Trying to Be a Supportive Field Hand, But I’m Sick of Listening to the Farmer Complain About the Curse a Witch Put on His Land
Every day the farmer moans about how he’s worried he’ll have no crops to sell this year and won't be able to afford his mortgage, blah blah blah.
75 Years Since #MeToo: Men Have Never Had It Worse
Since #MeToo, most men have ceased screaming sexually explicit compliments from the open windows of their turbo-charged street shuttles.
I’d Prefer to Date Someone Kind and Attractive, But Yes, I Would Settle for a Day-Old Baguette
Don’t tell me I have no standards. I wouldn’t date a slice of bread. That’s like, basically no bread!
I’m Just a Bride, Standing in Front of Her Bridesmaids, Asking Them to Answer My Fucking Texts
I sent another text last night. I get that 3 AM is late, but that’s why I made all of you set your text tones to the sound of your children crying!
I Voted for Donald Trump Because I Thought He’d Help Me Win Sandra Back—I Was Wrong
Of course, he was pursuing a shoddy, ill-conceived attempt to normalize relations with North Korea: it would be a great honeymoon spot.
Escape Rooms Inspired By My Mother-in-Law
Can you stop this off-key, off-off-off-Broadway show before the woman who says you aren’t good enough for her son plugs in her karaoke machine?
r/Relationships: I suspect that my GF [33] steals monuments
Every time I ask who such-and-such is, I get a ludicrously fake pun answer like a G-rated version of a Bart Simpson prank call.
Don’t Blame Me, Blame the Stars!
I mean who hasn’t punched their roommate’s mother because Saturn was in Cancer? I'm not sure how else anyone would have expected me to act.