The Viral Essay Making the Case for Marrying a First Grader (When You’re in Kindergarten)
When I was four, I knew I was in my prime. Solidly potty trained, only three teeth missing, able to draw both unicorns and school buses.
Tag: Relationships
Hey Babe, How Would You Feel About… A Twosome?
A ménage à deux, so to speak. After all, the only thing better than sex with nobody is sex with somebody.
Shut Up, Antidiabetic Medicine Jardiance®, Just Shut Up—You Had Me at “Serious Side Effects Can Include Necrotizing Fasciitis”
I'll never forget how safe you made me feel, the way you blocked the SGLT2 found in the proximal tubules of nephrotic components in my kidneys.
What I Think People Will See When They Do My Background Check
We found out that for a whole six months of junior year you got really, really into Doctor Who and Sherlock. Like, fanfiction level.
Five Grueling Core Exercises That Are Still Easier than Openly Expressing Emotions
Feelings of guilt and shame will give you the boost you need to keep on crunching. Your core will thank you!
The Enemy of My Enemy
The enemy of my massage therapist, Janet, is her husband, Ricky. That’s no coincidence. They married young when they were so naïve.
Your Mama Jokes from Guy Who Is Clearly in Love with Your Mom
Your mama’s so broke she doesn’t even make cents! Which is a shame because she’s worked hard for everything in this life.
A Customer Service Representative Goes on a Date
That’s great, Sylvia. I’ll just make a note of that for my records. Do you mind if I change the subject while we wait for our server to arrive?
You Need to Stop Cockblocking Me, the Romantic Lead of This Hallmark Holiday Movie
I leaned in super slowly for a kiss when… her freaking precocious daughter popped in so that we could taste the cookies she made.
How I Imagined Life with a Puppy, Before I Got a Puppy
When my girlfriend walks away, she doesn’t follow her. She stays with me because I’m nurturing and friendly and like, super cool.
Vows from the Woman Who Hates Her Future Husband
You’ve seen the lows; the fighting, the occasional breakups, and the time Jeff left me at Six Flags and the park closed while I was still inside.
Wow, So All 30 of You Robbed a Nordstrom but None of You Texted Me?
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.