Your New Stress Reducing, Anxiety Relieving, Weighted Blanket
My parents got me this as a housewarming gift but I still live with them. Does this mean they want me to move out?
Tag: Relationships
How to Befriend an Introvert: An FAQ
Will my introvert get along with other introverts? Absolutely! Tenderly move them to a safe space for them to bond over their feelings or whatever.
Announcing Our Official Decision Regarding Whether or Not to Have Children
Relatedly, I’m currently embroiled in a legal battle to divorce myself from my siblings to guarantee that I cannot be made an uncle against my will.
Welcome to the Alphas Only Hedge Fund
I know you’re here because you read that Vice article that said our hedge fund is like the Wolf of Wall Street but with actual wolves. That’s true.
I Resent the Placenta in My Freezer
I like the idea of burying it next to a tree. But since we can’t even keep the racoons and possums out of the compost bin, that’s not happening.
As a Writer, I Am the Most Important Person in This Relationship and on Earth
Did it even occur to me to check in with my dad after his heart surgery? No, because that would have meant shutting the door on the Muse, and that is just selfish.
Will This “All in One” Shampoo Save My Marriage?
I was trying to think of ways to incorporate Equate’s “All in One” shampoo into a plan that would make my wife think of me as a better husband.
All My Friends Are Getting Married or Having Kids, But I Just Found Out What the Inside of a Kiwi Looks Like
Nazeema is currently on her honeymoon in a country that she can't pronounce or point out on a map. I can pronounce, "kiwi."
How to Have a Happy Relationship Even Though You’re Not Dating Mister Rogers
Fred had a song for every occasion: feeling happy, excited, blue. He even called it, “feeling blue,” and not “oh, so you’re taking another nap today?”
Hey Bullies: Stay Off Our Beaches
How many times have you seen this: some jerk starts trying to drink all the ocean water because they don’t want the fish to have it.
If Bachelorette Contestants Were Burger King Menu Items
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
An Interview with the Two Largest Books on Your Shelf
Q: Who’s more likely to be used in the event that a fire is desperately needed? Harry Potter: Definitely Jest. Infinite Jest: Me.