Michael Phelps to Marry 19 Beauty Queens to Break Gold Medal Record
Men out there, I ask you: Would you rather marry Miss California or win 18 Olympic Gold Medals in swimming? We know these truths to be self-evident.
Tag: Relationships
Dating from the Waist Down: A Female Perspective
I didn't even know they still manufactured Zest soap, but your puss isn't fully clean until it's ZESTFULLY clean, and covered in pubes from rubbing too hard.
Coming Out: Courageous Insights From a Recently Uncloseted Same-Sex Couple
This article is a call for unity: My girlfriend and I are not the only same-sex couple. There are other people who have sex with each other at the same time too.
Movie Reviews of John and Bethany’s Sex Tape
"Although it's clear there's certainly some raw talent here, it needs to be given a good spit shine. Also, rocking bod, Beth." -Gary Summers, Washington Post
Now That We’ve Broken Up, You Should Get Tested
Dear Katie, I'm writing to tell you to get tested. It seems I've caught something, and not in a fun way, like that time we went fishing at your parent's lake house.
The 18-Year-Old Virgin
It's not that I DON'T want to have sex, and it's not that I DO want to have sex, it's that I simply don't give a fuck about getting fucked. And yet I feel like I should.
How Guys Flirt with Girls on Social Media
A man's guide to navigating the murky waters of liking, poking, chatting, texting, calling, and friending in order to procure a non-random second interaction.
The 10 Rules to Successfully Cheating on Your Girlfriend
You're not really a cheater, you just have too much sex to give. Here are the tools you need for getting some on the side, without your girlfriend finding out.
Speed Dating: The Fast Track to Disappointment
At 30, single, tired of the vapidity of most day-to-day women, being an intellectual who smokes pipes, I reluctantly accepted a friend’s suggestion to try speed-dating.
The Relationship Compatibility Quiz You Won’t Find in Cosmo
Feel free to apply this simple questionnaire to your own relationship—unless of course you're already married and aren't in the mood for bad news.
19 Famous Poets Teach You How to Get Laid
Poetry is the lazy writer's way to express oneself. No wonder it's the perfect starter kit to get you laid! Prepare to be lauded as a genius, both in and out of bed.
Advanced Relationship Advice with Uncle Jeff
I think you're underestimating how important a layer of mystery is in maintaining sexual seduction in a relationship. No guy should ever know what a tampon is.