As the Escaped Felon Hiding in Your Attic, I’m Deeply Concerned About Your Marriage
I was awoken by the sounds of you two screaming at each other. People make less noise being shanked in the shower.
Tag: Relationships
The MD: The World’s Only Sexually Transmitted Degree
When I married my wife, I assumed all of her knowledge. That's how marriage works. Marriage means sharing everything.
How to Meet Someone Without the Apps
Discover a New Type of Bug: When you’re talking about the bug on National Geographic, make a joke about how you’re single.
I Found My Soulmate, and He’s an Instant Pot
The Instant Pot is everything you want in a partner: dependable, easy to understand, warm, generous, creative, talented, and great in the kitchen!
Is He Ghosting You or Is He Ghostface from the “Scream” Franchise?
He loves late-night, steamy phone calls when I’m home alone. I always tell him it’s such a boomer move but he just loves hearing my voice!
So Your Mom’s Dating Pete Davidson
Q: Do I have to call Pete Davidson "Dad"? A: No one will ever replace your biological father, but Pete Davidson will be around to keep your mom company.
Topics That Are Too Freudian to Discuss on a First Date: A Comprehensive Guide
-The “proper” way to peel a banana (other fruits and vegetable should be fine) -Organized religion -The taste, texture, or general concept of milk
A Template for Confessing Your Infidelity and/or Announcing You Are the New Pope
I think we can all agree: it is odd how a single (accidental text message / vote with my fellow Cardinals) can change the course of history
Medically Speaking, Loneliness Is Just as Deadly as Smoking? So Yeah, You Could Say That I Like to Live on the Wild Side, Baby
Yeah, I’m the Leonardo Da frickin’ Vinci of avoiding meaningful human interactions.
Bumble Dates You Will Go Out With Only Once
Matchbox 20: Things will go great until you ask him about his favorite band.
Stop Your Spiders Getting Chilly with Octo-Cozy™ Technology
My own spider (Cecil) was like the son I never had. Actually, I have a human son, but he's been quite a disappointment to me.
I’m Your Lip Balm and Enough Is Enough
You started to leave my cap off, like it was no big deal.