Why Successful Immigrants Shouldn’t Become Birds at 40 Years Old
Whoever manages this Human-to-Bird-conversion is clearly a prankster. I've clearly done too much whining, and too little flying practice up to now.
Tag: Religion
I Used to Be Materialistic, Then I Got This Buddha Statue
I can't help but be ashamed of how materialistic I used to be. I guess I should just be happy that buying this Buddha statue on Amazon made me the person I am today.
Congratulations! Your Application to Join My Cult Was Successful
Cults get a bad rap these days, but they're actually pretty fun once you get used to the smell... and me, I'm always around.
Help! My Son is Dating a Calvinist, and I Don’t Want Our Unrelated Family Ban on Dancing to Seem Like Pandering
My son is dating a Calvinist and there’s just no way in hell she isn’t going to think our family’s unrelated ban on dancing is anything but blatant pandering.
The Dewey Decimal System: Updated for 2017
Instagram Captions (formerly known as "Poetry"). More often than not just prose with unconventional line breaks.
An Open Letter to White Supremacists from the Dead Jewish Guy in Your Mother’s Grave
In a concerted effort to protect our own from further desecration and prejudice, we secretly replace all Gentile bodies with dead Jews. Standard procedure within the Conspiracy.
If I’m Anti-Semitic, Why’d I Make Jared Kushner Senior Economic and Media Adviser?
The Jews are so good, they almost remind me of myself. Always dealing. So I keep Jared right next to me. Keeping an eye on him.
When Our Lord Returns, Here’s How to Recognize Him
Everyone thinks that our Lord wore tattered rags and robes and ancient-day-Crocs because he liked them, but that's actually just what was fashionable back then.
Jesus is an American and I Won’t Hear Otherwise
I will dispel the pseudo-socialist notion that the Messiah is from the same place as Wilmer Valderrama by shout-typing my evidence in your face.
The Dark Side of Christian Mingle
Saundra was a hot mess of whirlwind crazy. If this was God's match for me, I shuddered to think who Satan would have picked out.
How to Reconcile Your Anti-Semitism With Your Love for Jesus Christ, King of the Jews
Many anti-Semites are also God-fearing Christians, whose savior is Jesus Christ. So how can they make peace between despising Jews and worshipping one?
God’s Debut Column on NYTimes.com
We at the NYT are thrilled to provide a forum for Our Lord to share His divine wisdom, advice and insight into the people and events that have shaped history.