Chef Boyardee’s Last Hurrah
I present to you The Chef Boyardee Fuckayous, a meal that speaks for many immigrants (like myself) who are being deported from the United States.
Tag: Revenge
The Late Capitalist Horror of Mary Shelley’s Franken-Frappuccino
It agitated its shimmery surface, and with a convulsive motion, sprang to life. “BEHOLD, I AM THE TYE-DIE FRAPPUCCINO,” it roared.
Welcome to the HGTV/Marvel Universe: Design, Decorate, Destroy
Restored by Thor: With hammer in hand, Thor renovates older homes in the Pittsburgh area that are a bit out of the ordinary and unconventional.
Some of the Ways I Have Prevented George R.R. Martin From Finishing “The Winds of Winter”
One time I told him I heard a rumor that there was a dead body in the woods and invited him on a hike to see if it was true.
Seasonal Treats to Destroy Your Enemies, From the Belvedere Family Cookbook
Peppermint Razor Bark (p. 194): The easiest and most economical recipe, this sweet is great for either a time-sensitive soirée or a mass sabotage.
It’s Probably No Big Deal That Every Single Woman in My Life is Exclusively Watching Shows About Murder
Maybe if there was an anger rising in women from an ongoing parade of injustices being carried out against them, then I’d be a little on edge.
Shakespeare’s Plays: Abridged Millennial Editions
Hamlet: Literally The Lion King without any of the lions, any of Africa, any majestic rock, or any Nathan Lane.
Hollywood Launching Cinematic Universe About Fruit
Citrus: Blood Orange: An orange (Liam Neeson) will team up with soil (Leonardo DiCaprio) to unravel why other oranges in the grove are exploding.
Things to Prepare Yourself for When You Graduate College
You’ll feel that you’ve won the war of slobs vs. snobs you started with the Dean. But then you’ll realize how happy Dean Trublioni makes your dad.
Mickey Mouse: I’m Sorry I Hit and Killed Goofy with My Car, My Bad
Mickey, it might be the time to dust off those wizard skills and bring your friend back to life.
Failed TV Show Pitches for Disgraced Male Entertainers
Frankly With Al Franken: Al Franken in a room, speaking frankly about political news. We know we shouldn’t want this to exist, but we quietly do.
Because of #Metoo, Every Time I Meet Another Woman, We Have to Bond, Swap Harassment Stories, Hug, and Drink Each Other’s Blood
The coven of womanhood is strict. I’ve given out more hugs to passersby than I ever wanted. I also have a ton of blood floating types in my body.