Yes, I Work for Satan, But It’s Just a Job
Have you ever seen "The Wolf of Wall Street?" It’s like that, except Jonah Hill isn’t the only one eating 5,000 calories for lunch every day.
Tag: Satire
I’m Kevin Bacon’s Character from “Tremors” and I Vehemently Oppose Gun Control Legislation
Put yourself in my shoes, trapped in the middle of the desert with underground nightmare creatures waiting to devour you at any given moment.
A Letter to Willy Wonka from Mrs. Bucket
My son only talks about candy lately, as though there is nothing more to running a business than coming up with colorful and dangerous food for kids.
The First Rule of Book Club is We Do Not Talk About the Book
The first person to admit they didn’t read the book taps out and may open the wine. Watching the movie doesn’t count as reading the book.
How I Imagine It Is to Be Rich
You always sort from "Most to Least" expensive when online shopping. When your heat goes out, you cuddle with your butler for warmth.
Business Proposal: It’s Like MoviePass, But for *Throws Dart* Escape Rooms
We will target the *shuffles a deck of cards and flips a card* ace of diamonds to jack of clubs age bracket, which we'll say is 16-28 years old.
Who’s the Ultimate GOAT: Jordan, LeBron, or These Baby Goats Standing on the Backs of People Doing Yoga?
Michael and LeBron do not like mountain climbing. They’re just not any good at it. Conversely, Baby Goat can scale a mountain like nothing.
Never in 145 Million Years Will I Regret Building a Family Fun Park Filled with Prehistoric Killing Machines
Off you go, all of you including my two precious grandchildren! I’ll be staying here in the visitor’s center, experiencing the wonder vicariously.
How to Avoid Bursting Into Flames Without Air Conditioning
Create clothing from frozen vegetables. People always want to wear as little clothing as possible during the summertime. That's a big mistake.
You’re Invited to Celebrate the 15th Anniversary of My Grudge Against Cindy
We both loved Avril and each other and had friendship bracelets to prove it. It would be weeks before I learned that she was a rotten, heartless liar.
Reviews of Office Scents
Inhale deeply, for you must use the communal microwave to reheat your leftover risotto, which will add another layer to the complex scent.
Where to Summer During Today’s Blood Moon
Between Subway Stations: Because this blood moon is opposing Mercury in retrograde, all travel will become a Rube Goldberg-esque hellscape of delays and re-routes.