My Only Regret is That I Have But 96 Lives Per Day to Give For My Country by Wayne LaPierre
While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.
Tag: Satire
Hollywood Launching Cinematic Universe About Fruit
Citrus: Blood Orange: An orange (Liam Neeson) will team up with soil (Leonardo DiCaprio) to unravel why other oranges in the grove are exploding.
If You Do This While Driving a Convertible, Things Will Definitely End Badly
Despite being on a winding mountain road, and wearing noise-cancelling headphones, rise over the wheel, lift your legs, and perform a handstand.
Conch Shell Opens Up During a Weekend in the Hamptons
One time I was forced to watch my snail body get boiled, made into a ceviche soup, and served to a family of blondes on their backyard tennis court.
I Didn’t Spend Four Years at Juilliard Studying Percussion To Be Called “Mr. Tambourine Man”
"You'll come following me in the jingle jangle morning," will you? You're going to stalk me? Is that a threat?
I’m the Boyband Member Everyone Always Forgets
Honestly, I’m really totally fine being the one who gets his name mispronounced by a YouTube personality when we win an MTV Video Music Award.
Whoa, I Saw the Mummy That’s Been Chasing Us Without His Bandages and He’s Actually Really Handsome
But now I realize that’s actually a stupid plan and I have a new, better one: keep King Teti in this Earthly realm and also make him my boyfriend.
The Thunder in Paradise: Poems Created From Interviews With Hulk Hogan, Part 5
I was praying to God that maybe the reality show / would give my marriage more net worth / and make my partner feel like she had a purpose in life.
I’m the Nation of India, and I Found Myself in America
I’m five things: IT, chai-tea, yoga, Bollywood and the Taj Mahal. These are the only things I’m known for, thanks to you, America, my dear friend.
“Bro Code Insurance” is Here for All of Your After-Death Bro Needs
Who will have access to your computer after you pass on? Your girlfriend? Your niece? Your grandmother?
Michael Chabon Makes a Root Beer Float
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
I’m Mike Pence and My Entire Existence is an Improv Scene Gone Awry
The man you know as "Mike Pence" doesn’t actually exist. I'm just a guy who never got tagged out of an improv scene from 1979.