The Modern Day Dinosaurs That Plague America
Because of the shape of their heads, turtles spend much of their lives looking down on whatever’s in front of them. Similar to: White people.
Tag: Satire
All My Friends Are Getting Married or Having Kids, But I Just Found Out What the Inside of a Kiwi Looks Like
Nazeema is currently on her honeymoon in a country that she can't pronounce or point out on a map. I can pronounce, "kiwi."
Welcome to Our World Cup Party Where We Know Very Much About This Sport
Keeper is the proper term for goalkeeper, which I know from all the soccer I watch and not from memorizing the Quidditch positions in Harry Potter.
Why It’s Actually a Good Thing That the Contractors You Paid to Renovate Your House Just Put a Bunch of Wolf Figurines All Over the Place and Told You They Were Done
You Now Get to Affectionately Refer to Your Home as “The Wolf’s Den.” Suddenly, the way the renovation turned out doesn’t seem so bad.
The Streaming Services Argue About What to Watch on Basic Cable
Hulu: Ohhh, let me guess, you want to watch something with a Strong Female Lead? Netflix: Honestly, that one gets over-cited.
The Most Elusive and Devious Threat to the North Korean Summit is Carmen Sandiego
Trump’s plan to top the gesture is to acquire a bigger, more ornate envelope! The world’s largest! Carmen Sandiego can't resist a prize like this.
A Blue Apron Recipe for a Productive Morning
Take the shirt from the bottom of your laundry pile and sniff the underarms. Deem the shirt "not that smelly" and pull it over your head.
Here is the Ancient Ritual You Must Follow If You Wish to Quit the Football Team
A rapidly disintegrating map will be given to you as you step out of the self-reflection pod. It will lead you to the Sewer of Quitters.
10 Signs That You Are Not Watching the Movie “Gremlins” Right Now
5. You Are Not Watching Gremlins Right Now, Because You Are Too Busy Reenacting Scenes from the Film with Buckley, Your Friend & Butler
Stuck: A Brief Exercise in Predetermination While Wedged in a Storm Drain
No, life is something to cherish. All these people who kick empty soda cans and throw pinecones at my face do so with pure intentions, I'm sure.
How to Have a Happy Relationship Even Though You’re Not Dating Mister Rogers
Fred had a song for every occasion: feeling happy, excited, blue. He even called it, “feeling blue,” and not “oh, so you’re taking another nap today?”
Ennui Tycoon: Turn Your Melancholy Into Gaming Currency
Make sure the infrastructure of your city is unintuitive and inadequate. Traffic will increase the ennui of your citizens.