I Heard Robert Mueller is a Draft-Dodging Sexual Predator
This Mueller character, looking into "collusion," he's the worst of the bunch. Many sources have told me he's a draft dodger and sexual predator.
Tag: Satire
The Lord Has Tempted Me with Tons of Gay Sex, But I’ve Overcome
For six years I've preached the dangers of sins of the flesh, during which time the devil lured me into oiled-up twinks, otters, and glitter-daddies.
My Surreal Childhood Bullies
An examination of the lasting damage that can occur when your grade school bullies are influenced by Salvador Dali.
It’s Me, Logan Paul: I Once Monetized Suicide on YouTube, Now I’m Pivoting to Hope
The head of content strategy at YouTube shares my new vision for hope, and has pre-approved the following three Logan Paul vlog concepts.
I Finally Found You, Michael Mainwaring from Chevy’s “Real People Not Actors” Commercial
It's no wonder you stayed hidden from me all these years: you portray a real person better than anyone I've ever seen.
Radically Honest Self-Talk Sparked by “House Hunters” Intros
Will Marcus and Athena find a home to grow into, or will you spend the whole episode oscillating between rage, jealousy, and attraction to Athena?
Everyone Ignored the Warning in My Lyrics, Now “Cotton Eye Joe” is Killing Again
Cotton Eye Joe killed my fiancé, and I tried to warn you about him by weaving the truth of his existence into the lyrics of a popular dance song.
Donald Trump’s Patent Application for Liam Neeson’s Monologue from “Taken”
The president needs a a speech you say into a phone, so the bad guy knows, by the end of the movie, he's going to bite it. Big time!
Tom Brady Reveals His Deepest Regret in a Letter to Coach Belichick
All I ever wanted was to be the fourth son of Mike Brady on that killer 1970's TV show, The Brady Bunch. Instead, my life veered off course.
My Son Wanted a Dog, So We Adopted Black Shuck, The Canine Harbinger of Death
Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
Airbnb Review for “Stockholm Syndrome Sanctuary” (4.5/5 Stars)
Waking up handcuffed to a deck chair and duck taped to the point of suffocation was exactly what my girlfriend and I needed to stop fighting.
I Serve White House Guests the Nicest Bottles of Diet Coke
Entertaining guests at the White House, huge part of being president. I drink Diet Coke from cans, but only the best for guests: bottles or fountain.