Who Needs an Amazon Echo When Your House is Haunted by the Ghost of a 17th Century Pirate Captain?
Captain Bloodspear has an exclusive library of sea shanties that you can't hear anywhere else. All delivered in his one-of-a-kind spectral rasp.
Tag: Satire
Leprechaun Stockbroker Innis McFreigh Likes Gold
Historically (more for you than for me as I'm hundreds of years old), gold values increase during dips in international trade.
Excerpts from Tom DeLonge’s Next UFO Manifesto That are Definitely Not Pleas to Rejoin Blink-182
How could your bandmates of 13 rad-as-hell years up and replace you when all you requested was an indefinite break to go hunt aliens for a living?
The Only Post in r/BirdLovers
I am the caregiver, companion, and confidante to 76 small and medium-sized birds that share my heart and my home. AMA!
A Young Movie’s Prayer: “Please Let Me Come to a Theater Near You”
Please, please, please, Movie Gods, if you're out there, please let me come to a theater near you. It's all I've wanted since I was a wee script.
To the Oscar Statue That Made Me Deeply Uncomfortable During Guillermo Del Toro’s Acceptance Speech
Dear Statue, I believe unequivocally that you and I now share some cosmic bond after we locked eyes during Del Toro's acceptance speech.
Welcome to Amtrak’s “Quiet Car Chopped All-Stars: Fight Club”
The first rule of Amtrak's "Quiet Car Chopped All-Stars: Fight Club" is: Kindly shut the fuck up about everything. Enjoy bare-knuckle chef combat.
Addressing the Allegations That I Left the Sleepover Early Because I was Afraid of the Movie
Why, if I supposedly love my mom so much, did I tell everyone, "My mom is making me come home because I have a stomachache, I hate her so much"?
How DARE This Fellow Grindr User Ask Me “How Are You?”
Can I please just host this disco sex party in peace, without the dread of a Grindr message like, "Is there a face to go with your torso?"
Weapons of Mass Instruction for Everyone in Every School
Who's in favor of ending "gun-free zones" and replacing them with "free gun zones"? The answer to every question in America is "more."
A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
If Trump Won’t Protect Trans Kids, My Ninja Weapons and I Will
When the lives of countless transgender children are at stake, I've no choice but to raise aloft my twin sai and declare, "Fearmongers, beware!"