Listen Carl, You Need to Stop Saying Schadenfreude All the Time
I know for a fact that schadenfreude is the only German word you know. Try saying kugelschreiber or apfelsaft in a sentence and have it actually mean something.
Tag: Satire
I Forced Jeff Sessions to Eat from a Trough, and Now He Thinks White People are Superior to Dogs
I recently forced Attorney General Jeff Sessions to eat from the same trough we use to feed our many dogs, and now he believes that white people are superior to their canine companions.
A Letter of Recommendation Template for Men Struggling to Date
After I wrote my friend Dave a letter of recommendation, his dating dry spell ended immediately. Now I'm giving you permission to use the same template!
I’m Your Tough, No-Nonsense Summer School Teacher and I Really Need Someone to Help Me Perform a Magic Trick This Weekend
All I want to hear is your name, grade, and on a scale of 1-10 how comfortable you would be lying down in a pit of 200-300 baby rattlesnakes for two minutes.
An Open Letter to My Agent on Why I’m Done Writing Erotica
I know I've been the best selling erotica author for the past decade, but Diane has been up my ass lately, and Billy is almost four now. Time to move away from lust.
No, I Definitely Said Netflix and Chili
Oh, hey, hi! No, I'm not mad you're half an hour late. But I'm not sure why you're standing there holding that ginormous box of condoms.
Teaching My Ignorant Dog and Cat About Sex
A lot of animals out there haven't had the proper education when it comes to sex, which is obvious from all of the stupid YouTube videos of idiot dogs humping each other's heads.
Son, You Should Expect to See Your Grandma Get Hurt Soon
You love your grandparents more than your regular parents, which is why you need to prepare yourself when they break a body part right in front of you.
Why I Switched to the Tent-Based Menstruation System
That's right, women used to spend their menstrual cycle in a tent, free from all men and sanitation. After testing, I agree, it's a bloody great idea.
Will These Politically Correct Millennials Stop Pointing Out My Character Flaws?
When I was younger, me and my other white male friends could have serious and rational discussions about things without being so easily offended.
The End of the World Will Get Such Great Ratings
Ratings only gonna get better, only higher with all this North Korea drama. I'm telling you, the end of the world is gonna do so well on TV.
We’re Out of Ideas Today, So Here’s a List of Rejected Article Titles from the 2000’s
We screwed up. So, to make amends, we're giving you a peek inside the PIC vault with a list of rejected article pitches from a far-off decade known as the 2000's.