An Oral History of My DIY Children’s Party Venue
Lucas' DIY Children's Playhouse brought children with new ideas together to celebrate their birthdays in an "anything goes" environment, where do-it-yourself culture thrived.
Tag: Satire
Dear High School Class of 2015: Raptors Will Take Your Jobs
Raptors are not just dim-witted lizards anymore. They can open doors, hack your phone, and steal your car. And they're threatening to takie your jobs right now.
The Paris Review: Jason Half-Pillow, The Art of Fiction No. 501
Jason Half-Pillow has been published in countless literary magazines that few people have read, and no one has read cover to cover, including their editors.
An Open Letter to All the Ungrateful Animals I’ve Rescued
I could have easily crushed you. At no time did you outwit me or save yourself. If I wanted to I could have passed you by and let nature take its course, but I didn’t.
Death Responds to His Performance Review at Thompson and Griffin Funeral Home
It's not that I don't feel valued here, it's just that I want my value to be more externally expressed. I feel this place has gotten more life-affirming over the years.
If This 8-Week Course Helped Improve MY Grammar, It Can Improve YOURS To
Before I took the on line course at Farmington's, I was just like you. My punctuation stank: my syntax was out of whack: and my spelling was down write atrocious!
Don’t You DARE Touch My Nuts
You're just gonna roll up like some kind of rouge detective and start stealing my hard-earned, strategically buried nuts from their strategic hiding places? NO WAY.
Job Interview with a Damaged Goods Employee
Honestly, after thinking about it and coming in today…I don't think you guys want me. I just got out of a LONG relationship with my last company, and I'm just not ready.
An Open Letter to the West Towne Mall Jeweler with the Same Last Name as Me
When I spied your "Frederick Asmus" nametag I nearly dropped my Auntie Anne's Roasted Garlic & Parmesan pretzel out of joy. I knew you would want to hear my story.
Subversive McDonald’s Employee Serves Breakfast at 11:02 AM
<p>18-year-old Katie Lawrence sent a splash of hot oil through the fast food industry today when she fulfilled a customer's request for an Egg White Delight, even though breakfast service had ended two minutes earlier.</p>
The Red Phone Diaries
Sorry Mrs. President, we tried to stop the First Man, but Bill was knee-deep in the Hooters already. We tried to email you about this situation, but we didn't get a reply.
Bruce Jenner’s Sixth Grade Essay Reveals Life Goals
A woman is who I am. It's a basic instinct. It’s all I've ever wanted. Not the Gold Medal. That was a digression. Womanhood is my favorite neighborhood.