So You’ve Decided to Buy an Ed Hardy Shirt
Let me congratulate you on this new chapter in your life, one filled with glitter, embroidery, and fucking girls who like shiny objects (that's you).
Tag: Satire
Lovely Love Poem
Our love was real. Our love was true. Our love was like a cat that had ample milk to drink in a bowl of purity. Or some weird simile like that, you know?
Can You Be a TV Script Writer?
The following is a test. Read this story and then answer 3 questions. You will then be told whether you may send a sample TV script to the William Morris Agency.
A Letter to Myself at 14 Years Old
How you doing big guy, it's me, Future Bill. Or should I say it's 'us,' Bill. I'm writing you this letter from a spaceship house! Just kidding, the future is terrible.
Five Premature Celebrity Obituaries
In order to avoid being blind-sided by another unexpected celebrity death, I’ve written obituaries for Zach Braff, Jaleel White, the Mythbusters and Flava Flav.
It’s Christmas, Ya’ll (The Pageant Every Church Passed On)
Everyone knows Jesus' story is a complicated one. But do they know tidbits like the fact that Joseph wanted to name him Rick? Get the fun facts in this unauthorized pageant!
Conversation with My Liver: An Intervention
Hey, buddy, it's me, your liver. I need to talk to you about last night. 20 shots of whiskey? What the hell were you thinking? I'm dying here.
Jesus was a Dick
I'm pretty sure Jesus was the guy going, 'My birthday, we're doin' it up Vegas style!' and everyone was thinking, 'Yeah, probably not, asshole.
Fake Charity Begins at Home
Since you can't trust Toys for Tots with your donation, here are five new charities I'd like to see, including Drink for Prostate Cancer and Fantasy Adoption.
I Eat My Pringles with a Fork (and Other Equally Absurd Poems)
I eat my Pringles with a fork, …I don't know why I do it. The crisp is broken straight away, The fork just goes right through it.
You’re Safe in the Arms of Hubert Warren, Jr., Chief of Police
I joined the police in 1987 hoping they'd provide me a weapon I could use to kill my ex-wife’s dog. Turns out I was natural police material.
Nothing Was Written in Stone, Fred, You Know That
Dear Fred, I'm sure by now you have realized I'm gone. It's not that I didn't love you. I did. We had some really great times in the early days. But I couldn't wait for you anymore. -Wilma