You, a Teenage Babysitter, and I, a 47-Year-Old Father Driving You Home, Will Get Through This Silent Car Ride
I mean, surely five minutes have already passed since I started this internal monologue. Oh, it’s only been 30 seconds? Well.
Tag: Satire
As a Professional Bouncy Castle Inspector, I Take My Job Very Seriously
The public thinks this job is all colorful vinyl and happy bouncing. They're wrong. Catastrophically wrong.
Questions from the Comic-Con Panel on Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai
How come I could tell where everybody was in space? Did you mean for the shots to make me feel things?
Bible Verse First Drafts Where Jesus Brags About His Kick-Ass Carpentry
Jesus declared, “Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, because of this table I built. See that consistent grain?”
I’m Your Mom, and I Got You the World’s Ugliest Shirt for Christmas
Don’t you love it? It’s got a nice high collar, but three-quarters-length sleeves, so it’s not too formal.
Welcome to Our New and Improved Santa’s Village and Tree Farm and Water Park
We settled our feud with the local breeder, and will once again have nine living, breathing reindeer on site as in days of yore.
A Recipe Blogger’s Text Responses to Incredibly Simple Questions
What time are we getting coffee later? The Arabian Peninsula has always been one of the harshest environments on Earth, and 800 A.D. was no exception.
Christmas in the Lobby
Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.
Please Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee, My Anti-Depressants, My Cholesterol Medication, a Shot of Whiskey, a Breath Mint, and a Pound of Bacon
How is it that my morning routine is simultaneously killing me while also helping me barely cling to dear life?
The iPad Scoffs at Your Pathetic Christmas Presents
Nadine rips open the presents, revealing these primitive analog relics. But by noon, she’ll have forgotten about all of you.
I Am the Real Parson Brown, and Let Me Tell You—Identity Theft and Unsanctioned Weddings Are Serious Crimes!
This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.
Why Your End-of-Year Bonus Is a Pet Rock
You: Is there a financial component? Boss: Who needs money when you have the love of a decorated lump of minerals?