We Need to Discuss Your Son’s Science Fair Project, “Why Do Mommy and Daddy Use Bad Words?”
If, as his poster suggests, your child is exposed to profanity like “dysentery sh*tstream” and “apocalyptic f*ck-tato,” we need to problem-solve.
Tag: School
While “Saving the World” Is a Nice Hobby, Don’t You Think It’s Time to Consider Graduate School, Superman?
Aren’t you tired of people mistaking you for a bird or a plane? With some higher education, they could recognize you as a local community leader.
Kid Review: Ranking the Carpool Options on the Block
3. Lisa’s dad: Mr. Hardaway is a Lyft driver. Here is what that means: top-notch amenities.
Diary Entry from the Woman in the Peloton Commercial on Her First Day with Her New Bike
I finish my first Peloton class and am so proud of myself I have a small panic attack. You can get panic attacks from joy, right?
An Obituary Writer Attempts to Win His Wife Back
Marilyn Brewster was surrounded by loved ones including her beautiful, perfect daughter Deborah who I could make so happy if she’d return my calls.
Other Movies Based on Hyper-Literal Interpretations of ’80s Pop Songs
"Karma Chameleon": A gay man falls in love with a faithless reptile who comes and goes, comes and goes.
The Email Conversation I Had with My Middle School Vice Principal after Repeatedly Butt-Dialing Him While Riding a Mechanical Bull
"Unless this is some sort of street lingo I need to brush up on, I think you may have accidentally contacted me. LOL!"
Everyone Who Has Seen Ever Me Naked, Ranked
Bra-Sizing Woman: She looks young, maybe eighteen, and I wonder to myself if this might be illegal.
West 56th Street Daycare & Nursery School: Admissions Intro and Course Catalog
So long as your child has no criminal convictions and a clean employment record, he should have no trouble obtaining the ranking of “Top Secret.”
I’m Using My Nephew’s Onesies to Propagate My Political Agenda
I send Joey down the slide delivering truth bombs like: GRAMMY SPOILS ME---AT LEAST SHE WOULD IF CONGRESS WASN’T PILFERING HER SOCIAL SECURITY.
Word Problems for Millennial Post-Grad Trips
Steven, traveling solo, wants to post an Instagram of his ravioli. But Germany is 6 hours ahead, so he risks his picture bombing if he posts it now.
We Will Be Holding Another Bikini Car Wash to Raise Money for All the Horny Boys Who Bit Their Index Finger Knuckles off during the Last Bikini Car Wash
I know what you're thinking: how do you think holding another bikini car wash is appropriate when we haven’t cleaned up the blood from the last one?