Leonardo DiCaprio Quote or the Last Thing I Said Before Getting Slapped in the Face By My Good-Time Gal at Lover’s Lane
When a role for a young guy is being offered to me, I think of River Phoenix. It feels like a loss.
Tag: School
Despite Advice in My 8th Grade Yearbook, I Did Not “Stay Kewl”
While I may have had a “GR8 Summer” and “hittin’ up the pool or sumthin'," I did not take your advice to be my authentic, off-the-hook self.
Escape Room Mission Report for Susan’s 16th Birthday Party
When Lisa got bored and snuck a peek at the cobwebs, Julie told everyone about Lisa’s crush on your dandruffy history teacher.
Steven + Madison, Forever
There were so many things I wanted to tell you while I was twelve, and now I’m thirteen and don’t have the balls---I’m all sweaty pits and dry mouth.
Pop Music Arrangements You Can Give Your Middle School Strings Class to Distract Them From Your Anger Issues
Hopefully if you bring in "Eleanor Rigby," they will conveniently forget about how you threw a dry erase marker directly at a violist’s eye.
Welcome to the Great Hall of Science and Nature!
Ponder morbidly whether the great stuffed beasts of plains and forest were found dead or shot purely for taxidermic purposes.
Open Letter to the Other Dad at the PTA Meeting with a World’s Best Dad Coffee Mug
ROUND 2: We will re-enact Alice Cooper's “School's Out for Summer” video shot for shot. Contestants may borrow as many eye-liner pencils as they need.
Fish Out of Water
A week ago, my girlfriend left me for a flying fish. You know, the kind with the little wings that glide, the kind you hear about.
Tax Loopholes for the 99 Percent
If you and your partner are weighing the options of starting a family, consider incorporating your offspring as Limited Liability Children.
Why I Decided to Get My MFA in Satisfying Videos
At satisfying video school, I got to nerd out with fellow satisfying video geeks over the differences in crunch between Kinetic Sand and Madmattr.
I Am Your Hopes and Dreams, Why Are You So Obsessed With Me?
Now I heard you’re even talking about me in therapy? I was hoping you’d move on by now, since you’re in your mid-thirties and all.
A Slate of Upcoming Films From the Producers Who Brought You “Long Shot”
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.