How I Snowplowed My Utterly Unmagical Child’s Way into the Most Prestigious School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Paying muggle coach to lie about child’s participation in West Coast quidditch team California Dobbys.
Tag: School
My Wife and I Are Child-Free, Todd
That air of unbridled exhilaration and freedom you had? We always have that look, Todd. Because we never have to deal with your wretched offspring.
I Starred as “Greg” in a Corporate Sexual Harassment Training Video and It Ruined My Life
For approximately 134,000 of my New Brunswick neighbors and others across the globe, I became the face of workplace sexual harassment.
Eight Reasons Why 2019 is Going to Be a Big Year for My Hometown’s Minor League Baseball Team, The Woodborough Egg Boys
The Tar Pits Behind Third Base Have Been Filled In: The nostalgic need not worry; the sickening smell of sulfur still permeates the entire stadium.
Mealtime Hacks That Guarantee Your Child Will Be a 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals Judge
If he really needs a birthday cake, make him an energy-boosting quinoa and oatmeal cake with sample questions from the LSAT written in marzipan.
Exciting New Products at Trader Joe’s
Right next to the cookie butter, inexpensive wine, and cow bell that our employees ring for no reason, you'll find all of our newest goodies.
Other Secret and Torrid Fictional Relationships You Might Have Forgotten
Colonel Mustard and Professor Plum: There never was a murder, these two just needed to get away from their bridge club to whisper sweet nothings.
The Top 5 Online Masters Programs for When You’ve Given Up on Your Dreams
Masters in Accounting: Think about how much fun you have filing your taxes every year and imagine getting to do that every day!
Colonel Sanders Was a Union Officer and Will Therefore Not Be Cancelled
Sanders graduated from Transylvania University with honors in Afro-Caribbean Studies, Women and Sexuality Studies, and Herbalism ‘n’ Spicesism.
The New Adopt-a-Writer Program
Frederik (42, Breed: Poet (Non-Rhyming)) Frederik thinks he’s better than all the other writers at the shelter.
Welcome to Nextdoor Fight Club, Where You Must Turn Every Topic into a Fight
Rule 3. There are no limits to the number of people in a fight. The nature of our discussion board means that 15-100 people will typically join in.
I’m Worried I’ll Never Get Around to Using All These Good Band Names
My dream came so close to fruition my senior year in college, when my roommate Jim and I started a “pop-thresh garage-inflected post-grunge” band.